7122 —נישואין עם בן זוג בלתי דתי ויסודות הבית היהודי

B"H, 16 Kislev, 5720.

Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter from the 3rd of December, in which you write that you met a young man from abroad visiting our holy land, may it be rebuilt and established, who comes from a non-religious family and is himself not religious. You also mention his intention to return to his country soon.

It is clear and correct that this is not a matter for marriage with a non-religious person, for the true happiness of a Jewish home can only exist when it is built upon the foundations of Torah and mitzvah. Regarding Torah and its mitzvos it is said: 'the deed is the main thing,' not just feelings of the heart—especially when one behaves contrary to this.

Of course, sometimes one can influence someone to become religious—even in daily life practice—but this requires prolonged effort. This is especially so when the person in question at least lives in a religious environment. Even then, one cannot be certain in advance about the results of such efforts until they are seen in practice, since not everyone responds equally to outside influence. In the case you write about, none of these conditions are currently present—especially since he wishes to return to his country.

It is difficult to imagine that she alone would be able to influence him to change as described—that is, conduct in daily life according to our Torah's guidance (Torat Chayim) and fulfillment of its mitzvos about which it says 'and you shall live by them.'

May it be G‑d's will—Who watches over each individual with Divine Providence—that He guide her well and arrange for her an appropriate situation in all details.

Blessings for good news,

In the name of the Lubavitcher Rebbe shlita

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that building a Jewish home requires both partners to be committed to Torah and mitzvos in practice. Attempting to change someone’s beliefs or lifestyle through marriage is uncertain and should not be relied upon for lasting happiness.