5458 —התגברות על מכשולים בהשפעה על הזולת

Letters of the Rebbe, Volume 15 — Letter #5458
B”H, 18 Iyar, 5717 (May 17, 1957)
Brooklyn, New York

Shalom U’Vracha,

After an interruption in correspondence, the Rebbe acknowledges receipt of the recipient’s letter dated the 5th of Iyar, in which he described the many difficulties and obstacles preventing him from successfully influencing others in matters of Yiddishkeit and spiritual growth. The recipient explained that many of these challenges were beyond his control and asked the Rebbe how such a situation could be corrected.

The Rebbe responds that none of the difficulties mentioned are new. The struggles and complications people encounter in influencing others have long been discussed and addressed in the classic works of Chassidus and Mussar. In particular, the Rebbe directs him to study the well-known Chassidic discourse Heichaltzu, where numerous approaches and practical methods are explained for correcting such situations and improving interpersonal relationships and spiritual influence.

The Rebbe then offers an additional practical piece of guidance, rooted in the conduct of the elder Chassidim of previous generations.

When the elder Chassidim would farbreng and speak words of inspiration, they generally avoided addressing individuals directly in a manner that could embarrass or offend them. Instead, they would discuss the issue itself in a broad and general way, without making obvious reference to any specific person.

In this manner, the listeners could absorb the message privately and personally without feeling singled out or humiliated. Each individual would naturally recognize the aspects that applied to himself and take the appropriate lesson and “medicine” needed for his own growth.

The Rebbe explains that when one must speak privately to another person regarding matters requiring improvement, it is important to introduce the conversation with the principle that truth must be accepted regardless of who says it. The focus should never be on the authority or personality of the speaker, but on whether the content itself is true.

A person should act properly not because another individual told him to do so, but because truth itself demands it.

The Rebbe’s guidance reflects a sensitive and psychologically refined approach to influencing others — emphasizing humility, tact, indirect encouragement, and avoiding personal offense or confrontation whenever possible.

Toward the conclusion of the letter, the Rebbe refers to a certain young man and woman whom the recipient had apparently been helping and encouraging. The Rebbe expresses pleasure upon hearing about these efforts and encourages him to continue strengthening and supporting them in all their matters.

The Rebbe further advises that women from the community should likewise become involved in helping and encouraging the woman mentioned, particularly in matters more appropriately addressed by women themselves.

The Rebbe adds that it is a firmly established principle that sincere efforts on behalf of another Jew never go unrewarded or remain unsuccessful. Especially in this case, the Rebbe notes, visible improvement and positive change have already begun to appear.

Finally, the Rebbe expresses the hope that the recipient properly utilized the auspicious day of Lag B’Omer, the hilula of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, for strengthening Yiddishkeit in general and especially for spreading the wellsprings of Chassidus outward. The Rebbe notes that such activities themselves draw down additional blessing from Hashem, not only in communal matters but also in one’s own personal affairs.

The Rebbe concludes with blessings for success in all of the above.

After the interruption, I received your letter from the fifth of Iyar, in which you write several reasons for the lack of ability to influence others—most of which are not dependent on you—and you ask how to correct the situation. All these reasons are not new in this land, and advice for them is already found in the books of Chassidus and also in works of Mussar. You should especially study Kuntres HeChaltzu, where several ways and methods to correct the situation are explained.

In our case, there is a general point to add—based on the practice of some elder Chassidim from earlier times: when they spoke at a farbrengen, they did not address any individual directly, so it was not emphasized whom they were referring to. Rather, they spoke about the matter that required correction and how to fix it. Even this speech was delivered in such terms that it was not apparent whom they meant; usually each listener would take for himself the remedy (the recipe) relevant to him.

Furthermore—when speaking to an individual rather than a group—it is important to preface with the general principle: "Accept the truth from whoever says it." One must act according to what is right—not because so-and-so says so, but because it is true.

I was pleased to read what you wrote about the young man... and I am sure you show him... the letters he received from here. Surely there is no need to remind you to strengthen and encourage him—and her—in all their matters, and strive that others do likewise, especially women regarding their own concerns. There is a strong presumption that sincere outreach does not return empty-handed. Especially in this case where a significant positive change is evident in them...

I hope you made use of the bright day of Lag BaOmer—the yahrzeit of Rashbi—for spreading Judaism in general and disseminating Chassidus in particular; through this increase G‑d's blessings—including in your personal matters.

With blessing for good news in all mentioned above,
M. Schneerson

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that challenges in influencing others are universal and can be overcome by indirect communication and persistence. Drawing on Chassidic guidance and mutual encouragement ensures efforts bear fruit—especially when timed with auspicious days.