1. Introduction: Yahrzeit Dedication and Parsha Context
Today’s class is dedicated to the yahrzeit of Yaakov ben Moshe Dovet, whose yahrzeit is today. We are also beginning the study of the final two parshiyos in Sefer Bamidbar, Matos—Tribes and Masei—Journeys. This week, we align with Eretz Yisrael in the Torah reading cycle; until now, since Pesach, they have been one parsha ahead, but because we are reading a double portion while they read only Masei, from Parshas Devorim onward we will be on the same schedule.2. The Torah’s Laws of Annulment of Vows
In this week’s parsha, the Torah discusses the laws surrounding vows (nedarim) and specifically addresses vows made by women. The central question is: who has the authority to annul a woman’s vow? The verses present a nuanced legal framework with many details about which situations and types of vows are subject to annulment.3. The Two Stages of Marriage: Eirusin and Nesuin
The Torah makes a surprising distinction regarding annulment rights based on the stage of marriage. Traditionally, marriage consisted of two stages: Eirusin—betrothal, and Nesuin—full marriage. During Eirusin, the man gives the woman a ring or another item and she becomes his wife in a legal sense—she cannot marry anyone else without a divorce (get). However, they are not yet permitted to live together as husband and wife until after Nesuin, which takes place under the chuppah.4. Annulment Rights: Before and After Marriage
The halacha distinguishes between vows made before and after marriage. Once fully married (nesuin), the husband can annul only those vows his wife makes during their marriage—vows that affect him directly. He cannot annul vows she made previously while still in her father’s house. However, during betrothal (eirusin), he can participate in annulling even those vows she made before their engagement. This seems counterintuitive—why does he have more power during betrothal than after full marriage? The answer is that during betrothal, both her father and her fiancé must jointly annul her vows; it is not solely up to him. As Rashi explains, both must be involved in annulling these earlier vows. After full marriage, when her father no longer has any rights over her, only the husband can annul new vows—but not those from before their union.5. Spiritual Parallel: Service to Hashem as Betrothal and Marriage
The Rebbe draws an analogy between these stages of marriage and our relationship with Hashem. There is a stage where we are “betrothed” to Hashem—connected but not yet fully united like a wife to her husband. At this level, we recognize our dependence on Hashem’s help for spiritual success because we have not yet reached complete confidence or comfort in our relationship with Him. When one reaches “marriage” with Hashem—a deeper connection—there is a risk of complacency. Feeling secure in our religious status (“I’m already religious, I do mitzvos”) can lead us to forget our ongoing need for Hashem’s assistance and presence in our lives.6. The Lesson from Yahrzeit: Maintaining Connection Over Time
This idea also relates to observing a yahrzeit for a parent. Immediately after a parent’s passing, memories and feelings are fresh; connection remains strong. But as time passes and life moves on—with new responsibilities like work, family, or other pursuits (“married” to worldly matters)—the memory may fade from daily consciousness. The purpose of yahrzeit is to reconnect annually with that deep bond—to touch something essential within ourselves that recalls the love and special role parents play in our lives. This annual remembrance rejuvenates the connection so it does not disappear over time.7. Mutual Benefit: Blessings for Both Worlds
Rejuvenating this connection through yahrzeit benefits both sides: our prayers (Kaddish), charity (tzedakah), and good deeds performed in memory of departed loved ones elevate their souls in the next world. In turn, they bestow blessings upon their children and families here—for happiness, success, goodness, and fulfillment of all heartfelt desires.