ב"ה, ב' שבט, תשי"ח
ברוקלין.
שלום וברכה!
בתמהון גדול הגיעתני ידיעה, אשר עד היום אין כל מצבה ואין כל ציון על קבר אביו ע"ה, ולא עוד אלא שגם הבנין הנעשה בשביל שלא ישקע הקבר אינו, ובמילא שוקע הקבר ועזוב.
והנה אפשר לגודל התמי', שכל הידיעה אינה אמיתית אבל פשיטא שאם כן הוא הדבר, הרי בודאי יעשה כל התלוי בו לתקן הענין בהקדם הכי אפשרי, וידועים דברים הנפלאים בזהר חלק ג' סוף פרשת בחקותי שנוגע גם להנ"ל[1] נוסף על הפס"ד בשו"ע, ואם ישנם כמה שמערערים על הנוהג לחכות בהקמת מצבה עד לאחר י"ב חדש מפני גודל ענין המצבה עאכו"כ לאחר י"ב חדש, והאריכות בדבר הפשוט אך למותר ואצפה לבשו"ט ממנו בכל הענינים בהקדם ות"ח.
בברכה.
In the Holy letters of the Rebbe, volume 16, letter number 6,032.
Baruch Hashem, the second day of Shvat, 5718, Brooklyn.
Shalom u’Bracha.
It is with great surprise, the Rebbe writes, that I received the report that until now there is no tombstone and no marker on the gravesite of your father, olav hashalom.
Not only that, the Rebbe continues, but even the structure that is normally made to prevent the grave from sinking does not exist. As a result, the grave has sunk and is neglected. The Rebbe expresses astonishment: why has nothing been done about this?
The Rebbe adds that perhaps the surprise is so great that meybe the report is not accurate. However, if this is indeed the situation and the grave is neglected, it is obvious that you will do whatever is necessary to correct this as soon as possible.
The Rebbe then writes that there are wondrous teachings in the Zohar, in volume three at the end of Parshat Bechukotai, which apply directly to this matter. The Zohar speaks powerfully about the honor of the body and the importance of preserving dignity in the grave, in addition to what is ruled in the Shulchan Aruch.
The Rebbe further notes that many people object to the custom of waiting twelve months before erecting a tombstone, precisely because of the great importance of having a matzeivah. People do not even wish to wait that long, because they want to ensure proper honor.
Indeed, in Chabad the practice is to erect the matzeivah soon after shiva. This was the Rebbe’s own conduct, including for the Rebbetzin and other matzeivos, which were set up shortly after shiva.
All the more so here, the Rebbe emphasizes, since twelve months have already passed, there is certainly no justification for further delay. It is obvious, and there is no need to elaborate at length.
The Rebbe concludes that he looks forward to hearing good news from you in all these matters as soon as possible, and he ends with thanks and blessings.
In essence, the Rebbe is deeply troubled by the neglect of a father’s gravesite. He suggests that perhaps the report is incorrect, because it is difficult for him to believe such neglect. Nevertheless, he makes it clear that this situation must be corrected promptly and properly.
The Rebbe underscores that people do not even want to wait twelve months because of the importance of honoring the matzeivah, the body, and the neshama. How much more so when twelve months have already passed.
We do not know exactly to whom the Rebbe was writing, but we clearly see how personally the Rebbe involves himself and how strongly he demands proper honor for a parent’s gravesite when it was neglected. The Rebbe could not accept that this was allowed to happen, and he insists that it be rectified immediately and with full dignity.
It is truly striking.