Overcoming Loneliness Through Connection and Chassidus

Let us do in the holy letters of the Rebbe, volume 17. This is letter number 6,155. And Baruch Hashem, dated Gimmel Nissan, 5718, Brooklyn. Shalom u’Vracha.

And this was a student writing to the Rebbe that he is lonely. He has always been a loner. And he asked the Rebbe. The Rebbe says, “I am responding to your letter from Friday, in which you write that from your young years you have always been a loner, and that you feel that this loneliness is very difficult for you.”

So he is writing to the Rebbe what to do. So the Rebbe says, “It is understood that a young man, a bachur, who finds himself in the Yeshiva of Tomchei Temimim, in a class of many boys, many bachurim your age, so it hinges to a great extent, it hinges on you to become friendly with them.”

And he was actually feeling lonely, and also he was homesick apparently as well. He was not with his parents, so he felt that level of loneliness. And the Rebbe says, “Okay, you have friends over there, but it is understood that this cannot fully replace the parents’ home; it cannot fully fill that. But,” the Rebbe says, “that helps in a great measure, in a substantial and big measure, to go through the period of years until you settle, with the help of Hashem, in family life.”

So some students in this age period—it is a very challenging age for some who are not what they call “social butterflies.” They are lonely and do not find friendship easily, so they have a hard time.

The Rebbe says, until you settle your own family, you have to make an effort on your part to befriend them. And while it will not fully compensate for your parents’ home, it does help to a great measure to go through these years.

And the Rebbe says what helps even more in these kinds of conditions is to become active in benefiting others, to do things for other people. Then you feel in your inner soul your connection amongst the Jewish people from one person to the other. If you do for others—and why are you doing for others? Because you feel that that is part of you, that is connected to you.

So that connection that you get to feel by doing for others helps you in your own loneliness, in your own situation. And the Rebbe says it does not happen immediately. Even if in the beginning you start doing for others and you do not feel it openly, in the end this accomplishes. You start doing for others, and then it accomplishes its impact.

So the Rebbe says this is true for anyone, for all Jewish people, to work with others, to reveal that inner connection, to make you feel more value for yourself when you reach out and do for others.

But how much more so, the Rebbe says, for someone who finds himself in a Chassidic environment and participates in activity to benefit Chassidus. Then you will definitely feel, through doing for others, a comfort for yourself, that you will be able to free yourself from that loneliness.

“May the Blessed Hashem succeed you to increase with diligence and devotion in Torah, in our holy Torah, which all of its paths are paths of pleasantness and sweetness, and they should be penetrated with the light and the Chassidic vitality.”

And then you will feel in them, in your Torah and Chassidic inspiration, you will find in actuality the true expression that we heard many times from my father-in-law, the Rebbe, that “Chassidus macht az men filtzich nisht alein.” Chassidus accomplishes that you do not feel alone.

So the Rebbe says if you learn Torah as inspired by Chassidus, that statement of my father-in-law—that you do not feel alone—will become fulfilled. And the Rebbe says not only that you will not be lonely, but even a higher level than that, that you will feel closeness, you will feel friendship.

And that is the Rebbe’s advice. So he writes to the Rebbe that he is lonely and probably misses home and has always been a loner. And the Rebbe says to him that being in Yeshiva and feeling alone is very difficult, but first you have to make an effort to befriend the boys of your class, those of your age.

And to a certain extent, this friendship can compensate for missing your home and your parents. But generally, that friendship serves as an intermediate stage until you build your own family, with Hashem’s help, when you get married.

The Rebbe also suggests that in these conditions you should do for other people. When you do for others, you do not feel as lonely, because you reveal that you truly care about one another. So in your situation, be active in benefiting Chassidus.

And when you learn Torah as inspired by Chassidus, then you will merit the saying of my father-in-law that Chassidus makes it so you do not feel alone. On top of that, you will not only not feel alone, but you will feel closeness and friendship.

The Rebbe blesses him for good news in all the above. And in connection with his birthday, the Rebbe wishes him a year of success in everything that he needs, from the soul to the flesh, physically and spiritually. The Rebbe blesses him with a festival of Pesach Kosher v’Sameach, a happy and kosher Pesach.

Summary
The Rebbe teaches that loneliness is overcome through effort, connection, and giving to others. Through Torah and Chassidus, one transforms isolation into deep connection, ultimately feeling closeness, purpose, and inner joy.

אגרות קודש של הרבי, כרך י״ז, מכתב מספר 6155. ברוך השם, ג׳ ניסן תשי״ח, ברוקלין. שלום וברכה.

מדובר בבחור שכתב לרבי שהוא מרגיש בודד, וכי מאז ילדותו היה אדם מתבודד, והבדידות קשה לו מאוד.

הרבי משיב שהדבר תלוי במידה רבה בו עצמו—בהיותו בישיבת תומכי תמימים יחד עם בחורים בני גילו, עליו להתאמץ ליצור קשרים וחברויות. אמנם החברות אינה יכולה להחליף לגמרי את בית ההורים, אך היא מסייעת במידה רבה לעבור את השנים הללו עד שיקים בית משלו בעזרת ה׳.

הרבי מוסיף שעצה נוספת וחשובה היא להיות פעיל בעזרה לזולת. כאשר אדם פועל למען אחרים, הוא מגלה את הקשר הפנימי שבין יהודי ליהודי, והדבר מסייע לו גם להתמודד עם תחושת הבדידות. אף אם בתחילה אינו מרגיש בכך, בסופו של דבר הדבר פועל ומשפיע.

כל זה נכון לכל אחד, אך במיוחד למי שנמצא בסביבה חסידית ועוסק בהפצת החסידות—אז בוודאי ירגיש נחמה ושחרור מהבדידות.

הרבי מברך אותו להוסיף התמדה ושקידה בלימוד התורה, שדרכיה דרכי נועם, ולהחדיר בלימוד אור וחיות חסידית. אז יתקיים בו מאמר אדמו״ר הריי״צ ש”חסידות עושה שלא מרגישים לבד“, ולא רק שלא ירגיש לבד, אלא אף יחוש קרבה וחברות.

הרבי מסיים בברכה לבשורות טובות, לשנה מוצלחת בגשמיות וברוחניות, ולחג פסח כשר ושמח.