ב"ה, י"א אדר, תשי"ח
ברוקלין.
...במ"ש בענין הידוע שאין חבוש מתיר את עצמו, מוכרח שלא על ענין זה נאמר הדבר, כיון שחייבוהו חז"ל לחפש ודוקא כאדם המחזר אחר אבדתו ז.א. במרץ הכי גדול, ויהי רצון שיקוים במוחש ציווי תוה"ק בהנוגע לחדש אדר להרבות בשמחה, שהכוונה לשמחה בטוב הנראה והנגלה (וכמבאור החילוק דפורים וחנוכה), והרי כל הנס בזה דרכו בטבע הי' ע"י שדוך ונשואין.
In the holy letters of the Rebbe, Igros Kodesh, Volume 16, Letter Number 6107, dated Baruch Hashem, the 11th of Adar, Brooklyn, the Rebbe addresses the important subject of finding a shidduch.
The Rebbe often encouraged people who were not yet married to actively pursue finding their match and to approach the matter with the proper mindset.
In this letter, the individual apparently wrote to the Rebbe explaining that he feels unable to help himself find a shidduch. He suggested that he needs someone else to take care of it for him.
He based this idea on the well-known expression of our sages:
“Ein chavush matir atzmo.”
A person who is imprisoned cannot free himself; someone else must release him.
In other words, he was saying that just as a prisoner cannot free himself, he too cannot solve this matter alone and needs others to help him.
The Rebbe responds that this comparison does not apply to the matter of finding a shidduch.
The reason is that our sages explicitly placed the responsibility on the individual himself.
The Rebbe emphasizes the wording “chayavu v’hu” — that he himself is obligated.
Our sages teach that a person must search for a wife like someone searching for something he has lost.
This teaching reflects the origin of the first marriage. When Hashem created Chava, she was originally part of Adam himself. Therefore, finding one’s spouse is comparable to searching for something that was once part of oneself and was lost.
Because of this, the responsibility to search belongs specifically to the individual.
And just as someone who loses something valuable searches for it with great effort and determination, so too a person must put real energy and seriousness into finding his shidduch.
The Rebbe then offers a blessing.
The Rebbe writes that it should be Hashem’s will that the command of the Torah connected with the month of Adar be fulfilled — to increase in joy.
This joy should be visible and revealed joy.
Finding a shidduch and establishing a Jewish home naturally brings great joy, and the month of Adar is an especially auspicious time for such matters.
The Rebbe then connects this idea to the difference between Purim and Chanukah.
The miracle of Purim came through events that appeared natural. Everything unfolded through what seemed like ordinary developments, yet behind those events was a profound miracle.
By contrast, the miracle of Chanukah was clearly supernatural — the few defeating the many.
The Rebbe explains that the miracle of marriage resembles the miracle of Purim.
It unfolds through natural steps: meeting someone, arranging a shidduch, becoming engaged, and then marrying. Everything appears natural, yet within that process lies a great Divine miracle.
Therefore, the Rebbe encourages the individual not to delay.
He should actively search for his shidduch, make the necessary efforts, and approach the matter with seriousness and determination.
The Rebbe concludes by blessing him with success and that this month of Adar should indeed become a time of joy for him.
The message is clear: one cannot excuse himself by saying he is unable to act. The Torah itself obligates the person to search for his shidduch, and he must do so with the same intensity as someone searching for something precious that he has lost.