5841 —דרכי נועם ושלום בבית אינם מתירים ויתור בקיום התורה – ואהבת לרעך והוכח תוכיח גם יחד

B"H, 13 Marcheshvan, 5718

Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In reply to your letter of the 5th of Cheshvan, in which you write about the relations in your home and the effect this has on the state of matters of Torah and mitzvos, which is not as it should be.

Now, although it is known that the ways of our Torah, תורת חיים "a Torah of life" (Siddur, Sim Shalom), are דרכי נועם ושלום "ways of pleasantness and peace" (Mishlei 3:17), together with this we have also been commanded הוכח תוכיח "you shall surely rebuke" (Vayikra 19:17). That is to say, the ways of pleasantness and peace are the form of all matters and all proposals, and the manner in which one should influence another; but the content must accord with the instructions of our Torah, the Torah of life. And if the above applies to another person, then with regard to one's wife all the more so is the command to conduct oneself in ways of pleasantness and peace; but this does not permit at all, G‑d forbid, as you put it in your letter, traveling on Shabbos, may G‑d spare us, and the like. For all the commands of our holy Torah remain in force, as said above, and all the more so matters of Shabbos, which is equal to all the mitzvos (see Jerusalem Talmud, Berachos 1:5; Nedarim 3:9).

It is also obvious that the expression in your letter, to abandon your wife, may G‑d spare us, does not come into consideration at all. But both matters together, ואהבת לרעך כמוך "you shall love your fellow as yourself" (Vayikra 19:18) and הוכח תוכיח את עמיתך ולא תשא עליו חטא "you shall surely rebuke your fellow, and you shall not bear sin because of him" (Vayikra 19:17), were commanded together by the Creator of the world and its Guide, היוצר יחד לבם "Who fashions their hearts together" (Tehillim 33:15), the hearts of all Jews, and Who knows the best way to influence them. Only, since a person is partial to himself and can bend the judgment in all matters in which he has an interest, you too should lay the situation before your G‑d-fearing friends, and they will instruct you.

As to what you write at the end of your letter, asking the meaning of dreams you saw, etc.: the saying of our Sages, of blessed memory, is known, כל החלומות הולכים אחר הפה "all dreams follow the mouth," that is, their interpretation (Berachos 55b). Therefore interpret them for the good, with the true good, which is Torah and mitzvah: an encouragement of spirit, and a command to go in our Torah and its mitzvos מחיל אל חיל "from strength to strength" (Tehillim 84:8); and אין לך דבר העומד בפני הרצון "there is nothing that stands in the way of the will" (see Zohar II, 162b).

With blessing,

In the name of the Rebbe, may he live long and good days

Summary

This letter teaches that pleasantness and peace at home govern the manner of a Jew's conduct, never its content: they cannot permit desecrating Shabbos. Love and rebuke were commanded together, and since a person is biased in his own affairs, he should seek the guidance of G‑d-fearing friends.