1141 —הדרכה ותיקון לאחר מקרה מטריד

B"H, 22 Menachem Av, 5711.

Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter—for several reasons my reply was delayed until now—in which you inform me of an incident that occurred with your wife, may she live, and you request a tikkun (rectification) for both yourself and her:

a) You should give to charity three half-sela'im of Torah measure on your behalf, and the same amount on behalf of your wife. This does not have to be given all at once; you can distribute it little by little. It is best if you can give it in about forty installments. The Torah measure of a sela can be determined locally by the amount given for pidyon haben (redemption of the firstborn), which is five sela'im.

b) You should make the greatest possible effort regarding shalom bayis (peace in the home) between you and your wife—meaning you should be extremely careful in this matter. As our Sages say: "Nashim da'atan kalah" (women are more sensitive), and "a woman's tears are frequent," so it is good for you to be the one who yields to fulfill her wishes, especially in mundane matters. If at all times our Sages extolled the virtue of shalom bayis, how much more so on Erev Shabbos; and now we are all in the Erev Shabbos after midday before Moshiach's arrival.

c) Surely you know that Tikunei Zohar is divided into forty sections from Rosh Chodesh Elul until Yom Kippur; during these days say each day's portion.

d) It goes without saying that until after Yom Kippur you must be especially careful to fulfill the three daily study portions—Chumash, Tehillim, and Tanya—as instituted by my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe.

It is likely that your greatest challenge will be with section b—shalom bayis—for it is known that peace is great and all Torah's ways are pleasantness and all its paths are peace. Especially in this final exile—as our Sages say in Yoma 9b—it came due to lack of peace. The closer we get to the end of exile, the greater the opposition from the other side not to allow peace in the world at all—even between husband and wife below who correspond to man and woman above. But "according to the camel is its load," and surely strength is given to withstand this test. See also Kuntres Heichaltzu.

Through all these matters mentioned above, surely [the issue] will pass etc., and your sin will be atoned for—especially since it appears from your letter that it was only a doubtful matter. It is appropriate to share the general content of my letter with your wife as well—for surely her heart was also saddened by what happened—and may Hashem grant you good news regarding all these matters specifically, and regarding your situation overall for good.

As requested I mentioned you at the Ohel.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that after a troubling incident between spouses, one should give charity thoughtfully, strive diligently for shalom bayis through patience and yielding, engage in extra Torah study (especially Tikunei Zohar), and maintain daily learning routines—all with assurance of Divine help.