Honest Reflection and Teshuvah in Response to a Relationship Shift

Holy Letters of the Rebbe – Volume 15, Letter 5430
Baruch Hashem, the 6th day of Iyar, 5717, Brooklyn. Bracha v’Shalom.

The Rebbe writes in response to her letter of Rosh Chodesh Iyar, in which she described a sudden change in someone’s attitude toward her. She was troubled by the unexpected distancing after there had previously been closeness and familiarity.

The Rebbe explains that in matters involving Jewish life, one must also look beyond the surface and consider the deeper spiritual causes. Often, external events reflect inner realities, and therefore when something significant occurs, one should honestly examine whether there is an area in need of correction according to the guidance of Torah.

The Rebbe writes candidly that the underlying issue may be connected to conduct that was not fully in keeping with the standards of the Torah, particularly in the area of modesty and proper boundaries. Though these words are difficult to write, the Rebbe explains that truth must be spoken when it can help bring healing and improvement.

The Rebbe adds that sometimes closeness that is not appropriate can ultimately lead to distance. What appears at first to be a personal disappointment may in fact be an invitation to deeper growth and refinement.

The Rebbe emphasizes that his intention is not, Heaven forbid, to cause pain, but to awaken her to the power of correction and renewal. Through sincere teshuvah—true regret for the past together with a firm commitment for the future—a person can transform matters completely.

Hashem, who sees into the heart, knows the sincerity of one’s resolve. When there is genuine repentance and a wholehearted decision to follow the proper path, Hashem grants success and blessing in these matters.

After making this inner strengthening, the Rebbe advises that she should also discreetly try to learn whether there may have been practical or external reasons for the change. Perhaps there were other factors involved, and perhaps once the spiritual correction is made, those matters may resolve on their own.

The Rebbe then adds a practical suggestion. Since she wrote that she had studied in Beis Yaakov, he assumes she is familiar with the daily blessings and prayers recited in the morning. He therefore advises that on weekdays, before davening, she should give a few coins to tzedakah.

The Rebbe concludes with blessings for good news.

The message of the letter is compassionate and profound: when facing painful changes in life, one should address both the practical and the spiritual, strengthen oneself inwardly, and trust that sincere growth opens the door to renewed blessing.