8742 —הדרכה למאבקים רוחניים של בן והשפעה חיובית

B"H, 15 Teves 5724, Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter from 25/12 in which you write about your son, what you heard from him regarding his views, etc., and the impression he made on you and your wife. It is often seen that through friends one can sometimes accomplish more than parents can. As long as the friends speak words that come from the heart, they will enter the listener's heart and have an effect. Of course, this is in addition to what you and your wife say to him.

In this case there is another matter and approach: since as you wrote he is still single, it is appropriate to try (in a fitting way so your son does not suspect coercion) to find a shidduch with a Jewish girl who observes Torah and mitzvos and has strong faith and views in these matters. Then, aside from her influence on him, it is possible that the shidduch itself will help him forget negative matters and thoughts.

Since it is brought in holy books that putting on tefillin has a special effect on the mind and heart—that is, on intellect and emotion—it is proper to make every effort for your son to put on tefillin every weekday, at least for a short time on his head and arm. The tefillin must be checked and kosher. It is best if before putting them on he gives some coins to tzedakah.

Since such thoughts often come to someone born when the parents were not careful with family purity (niddah, hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher mikvah, etc.)—often due to lack of knowledge of all details leading to lack of observance (which should be clarified with a rabbi)—if this was also your situation G‑d forbid, there should be teshuvah: regret for the past and good resolution for the future to be precise in this as required. Also try that your friends and relatives are careful with this mitzvah as well as generally living daily life according to Torah's guidance and mitzvah observance about which it says "and you shall live by them."

At an auspicious time your son will be mentioned at the holy resting place of my father-in-law the Rebbe zatzal according to what you wrote. May you have good news regarding all of this.

With blessing,
In the name of the Rebbe Shlita
Secretary

P.S. It is proper that you check your own tefillin as well as all mezuzos in your home so they are all kosher according to halachah. Your wife should keep up the good custom of Jewish women to give tzedakah before lighting candles every Friday afternoon and before Yom Tov.

In my secretariat we do not write French; therefore this reply comes in Hebrew. But you may write in French since I read that language.

Sources cited: see Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim Hilchos Tefillin sec. 25 par. 5; Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazaken ibid sec. 11; Tanya ch. 41 (56b).

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that sincere words from friends can deeply affect one's child alongside parental guidance. He stresses practical steps—finding a suitable shidduch, daily tefillin with tzedakah, family purity—and encourages positive daily conduct rooted in Torah values.