3014 —הפנמת החלטות, הדרכה עדינה בעניני שידוכים, ודאגות הלכתיות בנסיעות

B"H, 11 MarCheshvan, 5715.

Brooklyn.

Greetings and blessing!

In reply to your letter of 28 Tishrei. You begin properly, about the impression of the days of Elul, the Days of Awe and the days of Sukkos, but you immediately break off from this without mentioning what the resolutions and good deeds are, etc. The demand of our holy Rebbeim of all Anash, and of the Temimim in particular, is known: that the service must be inward and not encompassing; how much more so since your letter does not mention even service in an encompassing way. According to the saying of the Tzemach Tzedek, "As one sets oneself up, so it goes," if at the start of the year, or at least at the beginning of the order of "ויעקב הלך לדרכו" ("And Yaakov went on his way") in matters of Torah and mitzvah, one ties the resolution to something of actual deed, this is a good beginning for the order of the whole year; whereas when it remains in the world of thought — and in this world, the world of speech is regarded as the world of thought.

It is understood that I do not mean to preach, and writing to me about this is not so important except as it bears on actual practice, as above. But when one discloses this to another as well, how much more so when the other is in a place near him, this obligates (it binds) him all the more to fulfill his resolution in daily life. To say more is superfluous.

As to what you write about how to act with your daughter..., may she live, who refuses to hear of matters of shidduchim: obviously, the idea of threatening her and speaking harshly has no place at all, for apart from this not being the way of the Torah, whose "ways are ways of pleasantness," one sees tangibly that in this way one accomplishes far less than through a soft reply and drawing her close. As regards her in particular, you should come with specific proposals, and it would be good if she did not know that the proposal comes from you; surely a way can be found for this. Then she will surely change her conduct. It may be said that a large part of her refusal is only outward, because her spirit has fallen at not yet having been matched. From the above it is understood that one must try to have her live in your home until the chuppah, at a good and auspicious time.

As regards the trip of your daughter...: I was dismayed at the idea of traveling on a ship whose owner — and therefore all the profit from it — is Jewish, and likewise the captain and the sailors, etc. In my opinion there is no permission whatever to travel on it, and the only doubt is whether this is a Rabbinic prohibition or — because of the labors done on the ship, the publicity and the desecration of G‑d's Name — of Torah authority as well (see the responsa of the Chasam Sofer, Choshen Mishpat, siman 198). It is surprising that those who bear responsibility do not raise an outcry about it. As for the papers for her, you surely receive information about this from Merkos L'Inyonei Chinuch.

With blessing for good news.

Publisher's notes

The saying (פתגם): See also above, letter 2984, and the references in the notes there.

Traveling on a ship (לנסוע באני'): See also above, vol. 9, letter 2738, and the references in the notes there.