3897 —ביקורת כלפי אשתו לעומת עצמו וחשיבות שלום בית

B"H, 23rd of Iyar, 5716. Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter from the 19th of Iyar, which surprised me when I read it because you are critical regarding [your wife], even though our Sages said that Kohanim are naturally exacting, aside from the fact that this is not necessarily where a Kohen's service should begin—there are many other matters before this—even in this matter itself, why use exactingness toward another? A person is closer to himself, especially when we are not speaking about a distant other but specifically about the one who completes and makes your existence entirely good. Perhaps you still remember what I told you regarding face-to-face communication: that the matter of Shalom Bayis also affects livelihood, as stated in the Mishnah at the end of Okatzin and in Likkutei Torah at the end of Parshas Berachah.

If we must make efforts—according to Torah—in natural matters upon which livelihood depends, how much more so must we strive in Torah-based matters upon which livelihood depends. To elaborate on something so simple is unnecessary; I only wish to point out and illuminate that such matters, even if they seem trivial or small in people's eyes, are actually the true test of how much a person is a chassid regarding face-to-face relationships, as explained and understood from many holy talks.

May it be G‑d's will that very soon you will inform me that you have begun working on yourself in this direction, and then you will also merit to report success in this work.

Blessings to share good news regarding all the above as well as expanded livelihood.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that self-criticism should come before criticism of one's spouse. True partnership and Shalom Bayis are foundations for blessing and sustenance; even seemingly minor efforts in marriage reflect one's chassidic character and bring tangible success.