3042 —שלום בית, תפקיד האשה, ובניית בית של שלום

B"H, 21 MarCheshvan, 5715.

Brooklyn.

Blessing and greeting!

In reply to your letter, in which you write of the situation in your home regarding peace in the home, in continuation of what we discussed earlier on this, and you ask my opinion in keeping with what I now know. In my opinion it is clear that the situation depends on the good will of both sides, and in the great majority of cases, matters of peace in the home depend more on the wife than on the husband. Despite all the things you write, I hold firmly to my earlier opinion, that with your good will you can, together with your husband, strengthen your home with the vessel that holds the blessing of the Holy One, blessed be He, namely peace.

Although our Sages have said that people's opinions are not alike, the directive of the holy Torah, the Torah of life, is known: each person must overlook his own traits. When you take into account that your husband, the rav, works hard to develop the... he founded and to build it up, which in the present conditions... is hard work, exhausting to the body and also to the soul, it is no wonder if he is irritated and at times reacts to matters more sharply than necessary. Then you will naturally respond to all his conduct in an entirely different way, and there will be peace in your home, and so blessing too will rest, regarding livelihood and regarding raising and educating all your children, may they live, to Torah, to chuppah and to good deeds. Since you write that some time ago you both visited Rabbi... together and the matter remained unfinished, in my opinion it would be good that as soon as possible you visit him again, specifically both of you together. May it be G‑d's will that with much counsel you will find the way that peace will come to your home as soon as possible.

The blessing of our Sages is known: a man and woman "who are worthy" (in the plural, that is, it depends on both of them), "the Divine Presence rests between them." And G‑d has already promised, "Open for Me as the point of a needle, and I will open for you as the opening of a hall."

What emerges from all the above is that a wife in the holy tongue is called "akeres habayis," the mainstay of the home, and on her mainly depends the conduct of the home in general and the measure of peace resting in it in particular. And nothing stands in the way of the will. I do not mean by this, as you express it in your letter, to suffer pain, G‑d forbid, for the sake of being married; but to overcome the enticement of the yetzer hara and to build together, at a good and auspicious time, a home full of peace and blessing, and to influence your surroundings too in this direction.

I await good news that you have decided with the utmost firmness to do all that depends on you to carry out the above. May G‑d grant you success.

With blessing.