2748 —הדרכה להורה על חוסר מוטיבציה בלימודים של בן שש עשרה

B"H, 26 Sivan, 5714. Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter from the 14th of Sivan, in which you ask about your son... sheyichyeh who is not diligent in his studies etc., and you seek my opinion on this matter.

I do not see a reason for this question. It is already known from our Sages' ruling: "ad didach al tzavarei devarach" (while your hand is strong over your son before he grows up) ^[1], which begins at age sixteen—the age of your son as you wrote in your letter. Therefore, it is incumbent upon him to take measures and use pleasant ways so that he will study with dedication and according to his own soul; then he will succeed.

Regarding what you wrote about matters of the yeshiva: it is surprising that since you are also among the mashpi'im and supervisors of the yeshiva, responsibility for its overall management also rests upon you, just as in all communal matters where an individual is not exempt from them, as is well known. Every mashpia and supervisor who works in his field with dedication and true intent will inevitably influence the rest of the yeshiva's administration and the work style of other mashpi'im and supervisors. All this is in addition to the halachic ruling (Kiddushin 40b and cited in Rambam) that a person should always see himself as balanced etc., and with one action can tip himself and the entire world to merit or otherwise.

I await your detailed letter about what you are adding in those matters under your authority, increasing as much as possible, as well as detailed suggestions regarding improving the situation in areas managed by others. It is understood that the more detail provided, the better.

With blessing

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that while a sixteen-year-old must take personal responsibility for his studies, parents should continue to guide gently. Educators share collective responsibility for their institution’s success, and proactive involvement with detailed feedback leads to improvement.