10700 —הדרכה על חומרות הנוער ויחסי הורים וילדים

B"H, 20 Adar I, 5733.

Brooklyn, NY.

Dr. S. Dreyfus, Rechov Bostanai 11, Jerusalem.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

I hereby acknowledge receipt of your letter from the 10th of Adar I. May Hashem fulfill the wishes of your heart for good in all matters you write about. And in the inner point—that you should have much true nachas, Jewish-Torah nachas, from your son Netanel whom you mention in your letter. Especially since you have merited to be in Eretz Yisrael, about which it is always said: "The eyes of Hashem are upon it from the beginning of the year to the end of the year."

With honor and blessing.

P.S. In our office we do not write in French; therefore this reply is in Hebrew, but you may continue to write to me in French if you wish, and let me know which language is more comfortable for you to receive a reply—Hebrew, Yiddish or English.

Regarding what you write about your son's conduct and the stringencies he has taken upon himself and their effect on your relationship: In general, it is not proper to give an opinion before hearing both sides. However, even before hearing this, I wish to point out several important points:

(a) It is surely known to you that when a Jew takes on stringencies and practices them three times or more, one must consult a Rav as to whether they require permission or can be permitted, etc.

(b) You are certainly aware of the nature of our era—it is generally full of confusion, especially regarding young people's worldview. There are no longer strong barriers separating groups; therefore every safeguard is praiseworthy—especially since we cannot know if these stringencies will last long-term. Thus special caution and a unique approach are needed with youth; adults—including parents (and perhaps even more so parents who are personally involved)—cannot always predict exactly how youth will react to their approach or suggestions. Sometimes moving or shaking even one brick can shake the entire structure of a young person's worldview.

(c) It follows that if we are dealing with leniencies in youth conduct—how much more so with additional leniencies—the commandment "You shall surely rebuke" applies; thus one fulfills Hashem's command and mission by intervening. This does not apply when dealing with stringencies.

(d) The nature of youth today is that they seek novelty—in today's style even to the point of rebellion against authority. If this rebellion expresses itself as a stringency—even if as you write it leads to unpleasant consequences—it is still not comparable to when it expresses itself in the opposite direction (toward leniency).

(e) When the movement is toward stringency—even against parental views—there remains some common ground that limits opposition: "Honor your father and mother" is itself a positive commandment that can also be fulfilled with extra care. This does not apply when the tendency is toward leniency.

Since you have great experience in education etc., surely these few lines—though brief compared to the importance of the subject—will suffice.

May it be G‑d's will—as stated at the close of your letter—that you should have much nachas from this son and from all your descendants.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that guiding youth requires sensitivity and understanding; while parental concern over stringencies should be balanced with respect for youthful searching and care not to disrupt their spiritual growth unnecessarily.