9208 —הדרכה על ענין שידוך בנוגע לקנאות

B"H, 12 Elul, 5726.

Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter from 8/18—which was received only recently—in which you write about your daughter... may she live, who has known this young man for several years and met him several times, and recently said she is not interested in him because he is zealous; you ask my opinion on this.

Since regarding fear of Heaven, it is an explicit verse: "Es HaElokim Yera v'es Mitzvosav Shmor Ki Zeh Kol HaAdam" (Fear G‑d and keep His commandments, for this is the whole person), it is worthwhile (in an appropriate manner) to try to have your daughter become interested again in the aforementioned respectable proposal until a good conclusion at an auspicious and successful time. This applies if only what was mentioned is the reason. Even though there is no point in forcing a Jewish son or daughter regarding a shidduch, you should explain to your daughter the great happiness and importance of life according to our Torah, the Torah of Life, and in fulfilling its mitzvos about which it says "V'Chai Bahem" (and you shall live by them). Our Sages have told us that whoever adds in this area receives additional blessing from Hashem. Sometimes people call this addition zealotry, but even in zealotry there is a type about which it says "B'Kano Es Kinosi Kinas Hashem" (when he was zealous for My sake—the zeal of Hashem), which is a source of blessing, success, and happiness.

At an auspicious time they will mention your daughter and all those you wrote about at the holy resting place of my revered father-in-law the Rebbe zatzal. Based on your letter's style it is surely unnecessary to emphasize that increasing in matters of Torah and mitzvos increases Hashem's blessing in all needs—and this refers to conduct in daily life—as the wisest of all men said as quoted above: "Es HaElokim Yera..."

It would be proper to check his tefillin as well as the mezuzos in your home so that they are all kosher according to halachah—if this has not been done within the past twelve months—and she should maintain the good custom of kosher Jewish daughters to give tzedakah before lighting candles every Erev Shabbos and Erev Yom Tov.

With blessings for being inscribed and sealed for good,

In the name of my revered teacher and Rebbe shlita,
Mazkir

P.S. As per your request, this letter was sent without waiting for its turn.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that yiras shamayim should be valued highly when considering a shidduch. What may be perceived as zealotry can actually be a source of blessing if rooted in true devotion. Practical steps like checking tefillin and mezuzos are also recommended.