6712 —יום החתונה והוצאותיה: לא ביום ראשון, ובלי ריבוי הוצאות ומוזמנים – "גדול העולמים הי' שם"

B"H, 5 Adar I, 5719
Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

…^[1] Regarding the manner of the wedding: it would be very good that it be not on Sunday, the first day of the week. How long will Jews go on imitating the customs of the countries^[2]? Likewise regarding the wedding, as to great expense and many guests: even if there is no obstacle as far as means are concerned, the money set aside can be used for things even better. And indeed, "a great feast": our Sages explained that this means the Great One of the worlds was there^[3]. When everything is done with the required hiddur, and they are stirred to Torah and mitzvos^[4], and above all to build their home in Israel as a Chassidic home in all its details, then certainly the Great One of the worlds will be there, and His blessing will rest on all the details.

From the above my view is also understood regarding the trip here of one of the parents, may they live^[5]: a trip involving great expense, while the young couple could use the money that would be spent on it for something even better.

It is also understood that these words of mine, regarding the trip here of one of the parents and regarding the manner of the wedding, are only in the nature of a suggestion, for both sides to consider and decide; and whatever they decide, may it be for success, and in a good and auspicious hour.

With blessings for good news^[6] in all the above, and also in general matters.

Publisher's notes

Not on the first day of the week (לא ביום ראשון בשבוע): See also above, vol. 17, letter 6386.

For the trip here of one of the parents (לנסיעת אחד מהורים לכאן): See also above, letter 6698.

Notes

1. … (...): The beginning of the letter was not printed, nor was the recipient's name. The letter shows that it was written before a wedding, about its day, its expenses, and the trip of one of the parents "here" for it.

2. How long will Jews go on imitating the customs of the countries (ועד מתי לבני ישראל לחקות מנהג מדינות): On fixing celebrations on Sunday the Rebbe wrote in letter 6386 (vol. 17, 13 Tammuz 5718), about a bas mitzvah celebration: כן מובן שיש להשתדל ככל האפשרי שלא תהי' הקביעות ביום הראשון והרי די בזיון וקצף על כמה מעניני בני ישראל הנדחים ליום זה אף מהטעם שאז פנוי העם ממסחריו ועסקיו, אבל הרי דא"ג ניתנת עי"ז איזו חשיבות ביום אידם ר"ל, "It is also understood that one should try as far as possible that the date not be fixed on Sunday. It is disgrace and wrath enough that several Jewish matters are pushed off to this day, even for the reason that the people are then free from their business and affairs; but through this some importance is also given to their festival day, may G‑d save us." He adds there that although matters already set that way are hard to change, בהנוגע לענינים חדשים מה טוב לא להכנס מתחלה בהענין ולסדר את זה לא ביום זה, "as for new matters, it is good not to enter into it from the start, and to arrange it not on that day."

3. Our Sages explained that this means the Great One of the worlds was there (משתה גדול פירשו חז"ל, שזה אם גדול העולמים הי' שם): On the verse Bereishis 21:8, ויעש אברהם משתה גדול ביום הגמל את יצחק, "Avraham made a great feast on the day Yitzchak was weaned," Rashi says: משתה גדול - שהיו שם גדולי הדור, שם ועבר ואבימלך, "a great feast: for the great men of the generation were there, Shem, Ever and Avimelech"; and the Midrash (Bereishis Rabbah 53:10): ויעש אברהם משתה גדול, רבי יודא ברבי סימון אמר גדול עולמים היה שם, "Avraham made a great feast: Rabbi Yuda son of Rabbi Simon said, the Great One of the worlds was there." That is, the true greatness of a feast lies not in its expense and the number of its guests, but in the presence of the Holy One, blessed be He, "the Great One of the worlds".

4. Torah and mitzvos (תומ"צ): תומ"צ = תורה ומצוות.

5. The trip here of one of the parents, may they live (לנסיעה של מי שהוא מההורים שי' לכאן): שי' = שיחיו, "may they live". The Rebbe wrote similarly a few days earlier, in letter 6698 (24 Shevat 5719), to a parent who was considering a trip to a son's wedding: מאכען אזא נסיעה וועלכע איז פארבונדן מיט אזוינע געלט-הוצאות (אלס צוגאב אויך די צייט), וואס אויב אפילו מ'האט די געלט במזומן, איז לויט דעם מצב פון חתן וכלה, קען מען פארניצען די געלט אויף זייער איינארדענען זיך, "to make such a trip, which involves such expenses of money (and, in addition, the time as well), when, even if one has the money in cash, given the situation of the groom and bride, the money could be used for their setting themselves up."

6. Good news (לבשו"ט): לבשו"ט = לבשורות טובות.

Summary

Writing about a coming wedding, the Rebbe suggests that it not be held on Sunday, a custom copied from the surrounding countries, and that great expense and many guests be avoided, since the money can serve even better ends; the "great feast" of Chazal means that G‑d was present, and He will be at a wedding conducted with hiddur and leading to a Chassidic home. A parent's costly trip is likewise better spent on the young couple; all of this is a suggestion for both sides to decide.