6727 —שלום בית: אין יסוד להרוס בית מישראל, ובירור הטענות לפני רב בנוכחות שני הצדדים

B"H, 22 Adar I, 5719
Brooklyn.

Blessing and peace!

In reply to your letter, in which you write in outline what you have gone through from the time of your wedding until today, and the impression it has made on you, to the point that you wish, etc.^[1]

Having read your letter with care, my opinion is that, despite all the undesirable events that occurred, there is in them no basis at all for destroying, G‑d forbid, a Jewish home, whose purpose and essence is, as in the wording of the wedding blessing, "an everlasting edifice"^[2]; all the more so since the events occurred at a time of moving from place to place, not only in the physical sense but in the spiritual sense too, for the transfer to married life, and from the Land [of Israel] to outside the Land, etc., is a fundamental change; and all the more so taking into account the greatness of peace in general, and of peace in the home in particular, to the point that the Holy One, blessed be He, said it is better that My Name be erased on the water in order to make peace between a man and his wife^[3]. You should set out your claims before a rav who is a recognized halachic authority, here; in the presence of your husband, may he live, of course, so that the rav may hear the claims and the replies of both sides, each in the presence of the other, for this is a fundamental condition for clarifying the truth. And certainly several ways and means will be found to repair and improve your relations with each other, provided, of course, that there is willingness on both sides, that is^[4], yours and your husband's; and this willingness is a sacred obligation upon them, as Chazal instruct in several places, among them also in what is said every single day at the beginning of the day: that one eats the fruits of peace in this world, while the principal remains for the World to Come^[5].

I hope that you will reflect on my lines above, though they are few (in quantity), with a reflection befitting the seriousness and importance of the matter; and may G‑d, blessed be He^[6], grant you success.

With blessings for good news^[7] in all the above.

Notes

1. To the point that you wish, etc. (עד שרצונה וכו'): That is, that she wishes to end the marriage. The Rebbe does not say it but writes "etc."; the meaning is clear from what follows ("destroying, G‑d forbid, a Jewish home").

2. "An everlasting edifice" (בנין עדי עד): Kesubos 8a, in the blessing Asher Yatzar of the seven wedding blessings: ואשר יצר את האדם בצלמו, בצלם דמות תבניתו, והתקין לו ממנו בנין עדי עד, "Who created man in His image, in the image of the likeness of His form, and prepared for him from himself an everlasting edifice"; Rashi: בנין נוהג לדורות, "an edifice that endures for generations."

3. Better that My Name be erased on the water (מוטב שימחה שמי על המים): After Shabbos 116a: ומה לעשות שלום בין איש לאשתו אמרה תורה שמי שנכתב בקדושה ימחה על המים, "to make peace between a man and his wife, the Torah said: let My Name, written in holiness, be erased on the water" (so too in Sukkah 53b and Nedarim 66b). That is, the passage in which G‑d's Name is written is erased in water to bring peace between husband and wife.

4. That is (ז.א.): זל"ז = זה לזה, "with each other"; ז.א. = זאת אומרת, "that is".

5. One eats the fruits of peace in this world (שאוכלים פירות השלום בעולם הזה): Mishnah Pe'ah 1:1: אלו דברים שאדם אוכל פירותיהן בעולם הזה והקרן קיימת לו לעולם הבא. כיבוד אב ואם וגמילות חסדים והבאת שלום בין אדם לחבירו ותלמוד תורה כנגד כולם, "These are the things whose fruits a person eats in this world while the principal remains for him in the World to Come: honoring father and mother, acts of kindness, and bringing peace between a person and his fellow; and the study of Torah is equal to them all." In the siddur version, said every day at the beginning of the prayers after the blessings over the Torah, it says explicitly: והבאת שלום בין אדם לחברו ובין איש לאשתו, "and bringing peace between a person and his fellow, and between husband and wife."

6. G‑d, blessed be He (השי"ת): השי"ת = השם יתברך.

7. Good news (לבשו"ט): לבשו"ט = לבשורות טובות.

Summary

A woman described what she had been through since her wedding and her wish to end the marriage. The Rebbe replies that the events, which came amid moves both physical and spiritual, including from Eretz Yisrael abroad, give no basis to destroy a Jewish home, "an everlasting edifice"; she should present her claims before a rav with her husband present, and peace in the home is a sacred duty for both.