6670 —הטבת יחסי הורים, התגברות על כעס

B"H, 2nd of Shevat, 5719. Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

In response to your letter and its content: (a) Regarding the relationship between your father and mother. In such matters, it is understood that first and foremost your mother should not get involved in arguments or disputes, even in matters where she believes the father is completely wrong. When he sees that she does not wish for quarrels and strife, his own desire for them will also weaken and diminish over time. It is also necessary to ask their friends in the area to influence the father to improve his behavior towards her; of course, the father should not know that the mother requested this. And since everything requires help and blessing from Above, it is appropriate that your mother set aside a few coins for charity every weekday morning, in addition to what she surely already does according to the custom of Jewish women—giving charity before lighting candles every Friday evening and before holidays. All of the above is in addition to the children themselves influencing their parents with words of respect and pleasantness to improve their relationship.

(b) Regarding your tendency toward anger. You should ask your teachers to explain at length the concept of hashgachah pratit (Divine Providence), which is fundamental to our faith: that the Creator of the world oversees every detail of your life with individual attention—meaning that at every moment you are under His supervision, watching all your actions. If you contemplate this matter several times until it becomes engraved in your memory, it will surely help weaken your anger. Also, you should fulfill the mitzvah according to Shulchan Aruch: if someone offends you—even out of anger—you must ask them for complete forgiveness. Since asking forgiveness is difficult for a person but you will overcome this difficulty and request forgiveness anyway, then whenever you are about to get angry you will surely remember that afterwards you will need to humble yourself and ask forgiveness; this too will help weaken your tendency toward anger.

To increase G‑d's blessing in this area, you should influence your friends regarding Ahavas Yisrael (love for fellow Jews) and bringing hearts closer together; since G‑d's measure is measure-for-measure but many times over, Heaven adds extra blessing for those who strive in this way.

Blessings for good news in all mentioned above,
In the name of the Lubavitcher Rebbe shlita,
Secretary

P.S. In my office we do not write French; therefore this reply comes in Hebrew. However, you may continue writing in French since I can read that language.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches practical steps—avoiding disputes, giving charity, seeking forgiveness—to foster family harmony and personal growth. By strengthening Ahavas Yisrael among friends as well, one draws down greater Divine blessing into all relationships.