1314 —גישה לשידוכים עם ריאליזם ואמון בהשגחה אלוקית

B"H, 26 Kislev, 5712.

Brooklyn.

Blessings and peace!

I want to write and repeat regarding what you yourself write—that the most important matter is about a shidduch. You write that in your opinion you do not see any suitable suggestions in this regard. My hope is that if you have the proper approach to the suggestions that come your way, Hashem Yisbarach will surely arrange for you a suitable shidduch both materially and spiritually.

One must always remember that in this world there is nothing that is perfect—absolute perfection—and so it is with people: there is no person who possesses all virtues. Therefore, one should not wait to find such a person as imagined in one's thoughts. And since it is true that no person has all virtues, it is certain that one oneself also has shortcomings; only we look at ourselves with a favorable eye. Thus, this too must be taken into account: in certain matters one must be somewhat flexible and overlook things, hoping that with time some of the perceived or real shortcomings will be balanced out or corrected. Then—with this approach to shidduchim—the choice becomes much easier and the whole process becomes more joyful.

I also want to draw your attention to the fact that it is impossible to calculate or estimate exactly how two people will turn out after their marriage, because marriage is such an experience that brings certain and significant changes in both people who marry. These changes are impossible to foresee in advance. This means that regarding shidduchim, there is only so much choice available; one must rely on Hashem Yisbarach that He will lead them toward happiness and goodness.

It is clearly seen that people act this way and then live happy lives up to 120 years. So too in your case: it is impossible beforehand to calculate with complete certainty for every suggestion presented how things will look in the future after marriage. One must rely on Hashem Yisbarach; He Who can guide such a great world can surely also guide the small world of each individual specifically—and do so for good both materially and spiritually.

I hope you will read my letter once or twice and reflect on what I am writing you. The main point of my letter is that from now on your approach to shidduch suggestions should not be predetermined as unsuitable for you; rather, you should inquire further—not the opposite! Your approach should be that Hashem will surely arrange for you a shidduch which is good for you; therefore, perhaps this suggestion itself may be suitable—so it should be looked into further and understood what it entails.

I wish you that this should happen very soon—a match truly fitting for you physically and spiritually—and may you build a home among Israel upon the foundations of Torah and mitzvah.

With blessing.

P.S.: You may write me in whichever language is easier or more comfortable for you—Russian, Yiddish, or French.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches us to approach shidduchim realistically—recognizing no one is perfect—and with trust in Hashem’s guidance. Flexibility and openness lead to finding a suitable match both materially and spiritually.