Likkutei Sichos Vol. 30 – Vayishlach 3
1. One of the wives of Esav listed in our parsha is “Basmas, daughter of Yishmael,” who is called in Parshas Toldos by the name “Machlas, daughter of Yishmael.” The Sages explain, and Rashi brings this in his commentary on the Torah here, that her actual name was “Basmas,” and the reason she is called “Machlas” is as a hint—“because all his (Esav’s) sins were forgiven” (machal lo kol avonosav). From this we learn that for a groom (one who marries a wife), all his sins are forgiven.
However, regarding the explanation of this idea (that a groom on his wedding day is forgiven for all his sins), we find two versions:
In the Yerushalmi (and likewise in Midrash Shmuel) it says: “A sage, a groom, and a leader—being elevated to greatness atones for them… A sage, as it says, ‘You shall rise before the aged and honor the presence of the elder,’ and what is written after it? ‘And if a stranger dwells with you…’ Just as a convert is forgiven for all his sins, so too a sage who is appointed is forgiven for all his sins. A groom, as it says, ‘And Esav went to Yishmael and took Machlas, daughter of Yishmael’—was her name Machlas? Wasn’t her name Basmas? Rather, it teaches that all his sins were forgiven. A leader, as it says, ‘Shaul was one year old when he began to reign’—was he really one year old? Rather, it teaches that all his sins were forgiven.”
But Rashi, in his commentary on the Torah, quotes from “Aggadas Midrash Sefer Shmuel”: “Three are forgiven their sins: a convert who converts, one who rises to greatness, and one who marries a wife” [and he derives from this that “she is called Machlas because his sins were forgiven”].
That is, in the Yerushalmi and the Midrash Shmuel (as we have it), only “sage, groom, and leader” are listed, and a convert who converts is not counted among them (even though the forgiveness for a sage is learned from the case of a convert)—and the reason may be that a convert is considered a new entity, like a newborn child, and has no connection to his previous existence (to the extent that, according to Torah law, he could even marry his sister from before his conversion). Therefore, it is understood that he is not included among the three who are forgiven their sins. We need to understand, then, why Rashi writes “three are forgiven their sins: a convert who converts, etc.,” including the convert among the three (while a sage who was appointed and a leader are both included in “one who rises to greatness”).
2. Now, in explaining Rashi’s version—where he brings the convert who converts among those whose sins are forgiven (and not only that, but he even places “convert who converts” first)—it can be said (as explained elsewhere) that the forgiveness granted to a convert teaches about the others: just as with a convert, it is obvious that the forgiveness of his sins is connected to the fact that he changed his ways for the better, so too, for one who rises to greatness and one who marries a wife, their sins are forgiven because they certainly repented.
Seemingly, this is also implied in Bereishis Rabbah, which says that Esav “set his mind to convert—Machlas, for the Holy One, blessed be He, forgave him all his sins.” That is, the forgiveness of the groom’s sins comes because he intended to change his ways.
According to this, it would seem that according to the Yerushalmi and the Midrash Shmuel (as we have them), which do not count the convert among those whose sins are forgiven (but only learn from the convert), the implication is that the forgiveness of sins for the sage, groom, and leader does not come because they changed their ways and repented, but only because they became a sage (who was appointed), a leader, or a groom. This is also evident from the precise wording of the Yerushalmi and Midrash Shmuel: “A sage, a groom, a leader—greatness atones,” meaning that “greatness” is not a separate item, but refers to all three cases mentioned previously, i.e., that their very elevation to greatness atones.
We need to understand the reasoning behind the difference between the words of the Yerushalmi (and the Midrash Shmuel as we have it) and the statement as brought by Rashi.
Another point that needs clarification in the above-cited Bereishis Rabbah is that it does not align with what was explained above, for it is evident there that only “he set his mind to convert (i.e., to repent),” but in actuality he did not convert—he did not change his actions.
3. It is also necessary to examine: Why is such a fundamental concept, which pertains to the marriage of every individual (that a groom is forgiven his sins), alluded to specifically in the marriage of Esav with Basmas the daughter of Yishmael, and not in the marriage of a groom and bride of a loftier kind, which would be more fitting to the true nature of marriage (according to Torah)? Especially since, aside from the fact that we are dealing with the marriage of Esav the wicked, even the marriage itself was only a matter of deception—to give Yitzchak the impression that he was marrying a proper woman, as is told in Parshas Toldos: “And Esav saw that Yitzchak had blessed Yaakov… and commanded him… ‘Do not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan’… And Esav saw that the daughters of Canaan were evil in the eyes of Yitzchak his father, so Esav went to Yishmael and took Machlas, the daughter of Yishmael… in addition to his wives…” And Rashi comments: “He added wickedness upon wickedness, for he did not divorce the first wives.”
According to the Yerushalmi (and the Midrash Shmuel as we have it), one could say that the fact that the lesson is derived specifically from “Machlas,” which is mentioned in connection with Esav’s marriage, comes to teach us that the forgiveness of the groom’s sins applies even in a case where he did not change his ways for the better and did not repent (like Esav the wicked, “who did not divorce the first wives”);
But according to Rashi, who holds that even for a groom, this is dependent on his changing his ways for the better, similar to a convert who converts, it is very puzzling: how can it be said that Esav’s sins were forgiven—after all, he did not repent, but rather “added wickedness, etc.”?
Seemingly, one could say that for this reason, the allusion is in the name of his wife—“Machlas” (and not in Esav’s name)—because in this case, it was the sins of Machlas, Esav’s wife, that were forgiven, for only she repented at the time of the marriage.
But it still needs to be understood: why does the Torah allude to this matter specifically in the marriage of Esav?
Some commentators explain that “from the fact that this teaching is found in this verse, we learn that even though he already has a wife and children, and therefore is no longer obligated in the mitzvah of procreation, nevertheless, he is still forgiven, for here, regarding Esav, when he took this wife, he already had two wives and children as well.”
However, this does not seem to be a sufficient explanation—for even though we do not find previously in the Torah an explicit case of a man marrying a woman after already having a wife and children (and even in the case of Yaakov’s marriages, where he married four women, this cannot be learned, for from the outset he had no sins)—it is nevertheless understood that since all matters of Torah are with utmost precision, we must say that this is specifically fitting to be taught (for the first time) in the marriage of Esav.
4. The explanation of this can be as follows:
Several reasons have been given for the custom that the groom and bride fast on their wedding day: a) “Because it is their day of forgiveness, when their sins are forgiven and it is their personal Yom Kippur”; b) “Lest they become intoxicated and their minds not be settled at the time of the kiddushin (betrothal)”; c) “Because the mitzvah is precious to them (and therefore they act) as the early pious ones did, who would fast for a beloved mitzvah, such as lulav and other things.”
One of the differences given by the halachic authorities between these reasons is: according to the first reason, it is proper to complete the fast, whereas according to the second and third reasons, it is not necessary to complete it, which is straightforward (and conversely, if the chuppah is delayed until after nightfall—according to the first reason, one need only fast until nightfall, but according to the second and third reasons, one must fast until after the chuppah).
It can be said that even if we assume that according to the first reason (that it is their day of forgiveness), it is not necessary to complete the fast—since even a partial-day fast is considered a fast—there is still a fundamental difference between these three reasons regarding the definition of the fast’s nature: according to the first reason, there is an actual halachic status of a fast upon the person and upon the day; whereas according to the second and third reasons, there is no halachic status of a fast, not even upon the person, but only a negation and absence of eating.
Now, it is clear that according to all opinions (even those authorities who give the second and third reasons), the day of the chuppah is a day of forgiveness and atonement for the groom and bride, as is the straightforward meaning of the teaching of our Sages in the Yerushalmi and Midrash Shmuel.
Accordingly, it must be that the authorities who gave other reasons for the fast hold that the forgiveness of the groom and bride is not dependent on repentance and a fast of repentance, but rather the forgiveness comes through the marriage itself.
And since, according to all opinions, the wedding day of the groom and bride is a day of forgiveness and atonement (similar to Yom Kippur), it can be said that the dispute among the above-mentioned reasons in the halachic authorities—whether a fast of repentance is required for atonement—is similar to the disagreement we find regarding the atonement of Yom Kippur: According to Rabbi, whether one repented or did not repent, Yom Kippur atones, for the very essence of Yom Kippur brings atonement; whereas according to the Sages, only if one repented does Yom Kippur atone.
Similarly, in our case: those who say that the fast is because it is a day of forgiveness and their personal Yom Kippur, hold that the groom and bride must engage in repentance for their atonement, for this is the content of a fast of repentance (as the Rambam writes, that the purpose of the fast is “to arouse the hearts to open the paths of repentance”). But those who gave the second and third reasons above hold that the atonement comes from the very essence of the day (of their chuppah), similar to Rabbi’s opinion (mentioned above) regarding Yom Kippur.
5. However, even according to the Sages, who hold that Yom Kippur does not atone without repentance, it is evident from the words of the Rambam that the atonement does not come from the repentance itself, but from the very essence of Yom Kippur; it is just that the essence of Yom Kippur atones specifically when there is repentance on the part of the person.
And even more: from the fact that the Rambam writes, “the essence of Yom Kippur atones for those who return,” and does not say “atones together with repentance” or the like, it is clear that according to the Rambam, the atonement of the essence of the day is effective even for one who did not perform (complete) repentance for his sins (repentance with all its parameters and conditions—regret for the past and a firm resolution for the future, with verbal confession), but rather is only in a state and category of “returnee,” one who turns and returns to G‑d.
Accordingly, we find that there are three approaches regarding the manner of forgiveness and atonement on Yom Kippur and its relationship to repentance: a) Rabbi’s opinion, that repentance is not required for forgiveness; b) the Sages’ opinion (in the straightforward sense), that actual repentance is required; c) the Rambam’s view (as he explains the Sages’ position), that there must be a movement of return, but not necessarily full repentance in all its details.
And it can be said that these three approaches regarding Yom Kippur are reflected in the three aforementioned views about the nature of forgiveness and atonement on the wedding day:
According to the reason that the fast is only for clarity of mind at the time of the acquisition (the marriage), it turns out that the forgiveness has no connection to the fast; according to the reason that it is a fast of repentance, it is like Yom Kippur according to the Sages (in the straightforward sense); and according to the reason that the fast is because of the dearness of the mitzvah, it can be said that this is similar to the Rambam’s view of Yom Kippur—for after all, even though the fast is not for repentance, in the dearness of G‑d’s mitzvah there is an element of closeness and return to G‑d.
6. Based on this, we can explain the above-mentioned difference between the teaching in the Yerushalmi and Midrash Shmuel (as we have them)—and Rashi and the Midrash:
According to the straightforward reading of the Yerushalmi’s teaching, the atonement of the groom is entirely due to the very essence of the greatness that brings atonement, which is similar to the concept of the essence of the day on Yom Kippur. In contrast, according to Rashi, who explains that the forgiveness of sins of a groom and of one who rises to greatness comes only when there is repentance along with it—it can be said that the atonement is indeed due to the very fact of marrying a wife (and his elevation to greatness), but this atonement is only effective when there is an element of repentance, similar to a convert who changes all his ways for the good.
[And therefore, even though we do not find explicitly that Esav repented, the name Machlas is the name of his wife—for she repented at the time of the marriage.]
And according to the Midrash, which says “he set his mind to convert, Machlas—G‑d forgave him for all his sins,” it turns out that even though there was not an actual act of (conversion and) repentance, but only a movement of drawing closer to good, a desire to convert—even this is effective for the forgiveness of his sins, which are forgiven through the matter of marriage.
7. According to this, we can understand why the Torah alludes to this concept—that “a groom is forgiven for all his sins”—in the marriage of Esav with the daughter of Yishmael (“and the reason is learned from here”), for this kind of atonement and forgiveness through the act of marriage is possible only among Jews, not among non-Jews:
Just as the atonement of the essence of Yom Kippur for all of Israel—which, as it is written, “For on this day He will atone for you to purify you; before G‑d you shall be purified”—affects a person’s release from his sins, and it can be said that the reason is because every single Jew desires to fulfill all the mitzvos, so too is it with the individual Yom Kippur of a groom (and bride) who marries and sets out to fulfill the great mitzvah of procreation. This is an act of his holy soul, and therefore it brings about the forgiveness of his sins, whereas this is not the case among non-Jews.
And therefore, the Torah alludes to this concept specifically with Esav, because Esav was the son of Yitzchak and had the status of a Jew, as the Gemara states that Esav is considered a wayward Jew, unlike those whose marriages are recounted in the earlier generations, who did not have the status of Jews.
8. On a deeper level, it can be said:
The marriage of a man and woman (in its literal sense) is a reflection of the “marriage,” so to speak, between the Holy One, blessed be He, and the congregation of Israel (who are called man and woman, as explained at length in Shir HaShirim and in the words of our Sages). This refers to the cleaving and unification of Israel and their Father in Heaven, through the study of Torah and the fulfillment of mitzvos, and so on, until the ultimate cleaving and unification.
And just as the ultimate purpose of (physical) marriage is to fulfill the mitzvah of “be fruitful and multiply,” the birth of children [and as explained in the Rosh, this is why we do not institute a blessing in the betrothal blessing “Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to betroth a woman”—“for this blessing is not a blessing on the act of the mitzvah, since the mitzvah is fulfilled through procreation”], so too is it with the marriage between Israel and their Father in Heaven: its ultimate purpose is for the spiritual “procreation” of Israel, which includes the entirety of a person’s service—“What are its fruits? Mitzvos,” as our Sages say, “Anyone who teaches his friend’s son Torah, it is considered as if he gave birth to him,” and in general—bringing Jews closer to Judaism, Torah, and its mitzvos.
According to this, another commonality is understood among the three for whom all their sins are forgiven—a groom, a sage, and a leader—for the essence of a sage and a leader is also to produce “offspring,” “be fruitful and multiply” in a spiritual sense. A true “sage” is one who teaches Torah to the Jewish people (as the Rambam rules, “It is a mitzvah for every single sage of Israel to teach all the students”), and a leader—whose true title is one “who has no one above him except the L‑rd his G‑d,” meaning a king [and it is explicit in our case that the reference is to King Shaul]—whose role as king is “to uplift the true faith,” to compel all Israel to walk in the path of Torah and mitzvos and to strengthen those who are weak, and so on.
9. Based on this, a practical lesson can be learned for every individual—from the above teaching of our Sages that “all their sins are forgiven them”:
First and foremost, there is here a special encouragement and strengthening for every person who chooses as his portion and lot to be involved in spreading Torah and strengthening Judaism, and so on—spiritual “be fruitful and multiply”—that he is assured that “all his sins are forgiven him”!
And even more so—this removes the mistaken notion of some who claim that they are not worthy of such a role, to be among those who influence good to all Israel, because a person knows himself that he is still far from personal perfection, and he must fulfill the directive of our Sages, “Correct yourself and then correct others.”
Here comes the lesson from the above teaching of our Sages—in addition to what the leader of our generation has already taught us in the name of his father, the Rebbe Rashab, that in these last generations, the footsteps of Moshiach, the approach must be “grab and eat, grab and drink,” that when Divine Providence grants a person the opportunity and ability to influence our fellow Jews, may they live and be well, to bring them closer to G‑d and to His Torah and mitzvos, he must “grab” this opportunity without calculations [especially when it is a matter of actual saving of lives, to rescue our fellow Jews who are in the category of a child captured among non-Jews, so that they not, G‑d forbid, assimilate, and so on]—
Furthermore, the very decision to dedicate one’s life—or at least a significant part of one’s life—to engaging in “be fruitful and multiply” (in the spiritual sense), brings with it assistance and help from G‑d (also) in his personal service, such that “all his sins are forgiven him.” (And thus, he is also “correcting himself” first.) As a result, his work with others will also be carried out in a more complete and proper manner.
And there is more: Even if it seems to him that he is at the lowest possible level, that there is nothing lower than his current state—this concept (of the forgiveness of sins for a groom) is alluded to regarding the marriage of Esav, to teach us that one’s previous state is not an obstacle. Even if his spiritual condition is extremely low (in the manner of, G‑d forbid, Esav the wicked), nevertheless, as soon as he comes to fulfill the mitzvah of spiritual “be fruitful and multiply,” and chooses for himself as his portion and lot to be involved in bringing our fellow Jews closer to their Father in Heaven, he is immediately elevated from his previous state and standing. His true essence is revealed—that he desires to fulfill all the mitzvos and to distance himself from transgressions—and (automatically) all his sins are forgiven and erased.
And it is specifically through this that the union between the Congregation of Israel and the Holy One, blessed be He, is completed. This brings closer the fulfillment of the promise, “And it shall be on that day, says the L‑rd, you will call Me ‘my Husband’ and you will no longer call Me ‘my Master,’” with the coming of our righteous Moshiach, may it be speedily in our days, literally.
(From talks of Shabbos Parshas Vayishlach 5727; Shabbos Parshas Toldos 5745)