Parshas Vayeitzei
1. On the verse, “And Yaakov arose and lifted his sons and his wives upon the camels,” Rashi quotes the words “his sons and his wives” and explains: “He placed the males before the females, whereas Esav placed the females before the males, as it is said, ‘And Esav took his wives and his sons, etc.’”
From the straightforward wording of Rashi, it appears that his intention in this commentary is to explain the difference between the two verses: regarding Yaakov it says, “his sons (and then) his wives,” while regarding Esav, it is the opposite—“his wives (and then) his sons.”
However, as has been discussed many times: when there is a question or contradiction in the simple meaning of the text (peshuto shel mikra) between two verses, Rashi does not address or resolve it in his commentary on the first verse, since at that point there is not yet a question; rather, he addresses it in the second verse, where the question arises. According to this, it is not understood in our case: what is the difficulty in this verse that requires explanation, and for which reason Rashi needed to bring here the conduct of Esav, which is recounted later in Parshas Vayishlach?
[Although Rashi’s source is indeed from the Midrash on this verse, Rashi’s approach, first and foremost, is to explain the simple meaning of the verse, and he only cites Midrashim that are necessary for the peshat.]
2. It is also necessary to understand:
Seemingly, Rashi’s words do not provide an explanation for the reason behind the difference between the above-mentioned verses; Rashi merely emphasizes what the difference is—that Yaakov placed the males before the females, and Esav placed the females before the males—but he does not explain the content of these behaviors, whether they are to one’s credit or to one’s detriment.
The commentators on Rashi explain: “For Esav… he would place his wives before his sons, for his wives were his main focus, and his sons resulted from his desire for his wives. But Yaakov did not marry his wives except for the purpose of producing offspring—the twelve tribes—and his sons were the reason for marrying a wife; therefore, his sons are mentioned first, as they are the cause for his wives, whereas for Esav, the wives are the cause for his sons, etc.”
According to this, it is understandable why Rashi does not explain this matter explicitly in his commentary here, for this difference between the conduct of Yaakov and Esav has already been explained in Rashi’s earlier commentary: both regarding Esav’s conduct in his desire for women—“For forty years Esav would capture women from under their husbands and torment them” (from which it is also understood regarding his conduct after marriage); and regarding Yaakov’s opposite conduct, that “he did not marry his wives except for the purpose of producing offspring”—this is already explicitly stated earlier, that he did not marry a wife until he was eighty-four years old, when “my days are fulfilled” and he said, “When will I establish the twelve tribes?” (and until then he was occupied with Torah, and in such a manner that “he did not lie down at night”), and this was his intention when he said to Lavan, “Give me my wife, etc.,” that it was only “in order to produce offspring that he said this.”
But according to this, it is not smooth in the opposite direction: what is Rashi adding in his commentary here? For the substantive difference between the two orders is not explained here explicitly, but rather relies on what has already been explained earlier; and regarding the very change in order, there is no need for Rashi’s comment, for it is something explicit in the verse itself (that regarding Yaakov it says “his sons” before “his wives,” and regarding Esav, the opposite).
3. There is another difficulty (as the commentators elaborate): Even regarding Yaakov it says, “And he took his two wives and his two maidservants and his eleven children,” so it is explicit that Yaakov too placed his wives before his children, and Rashi makes no comment about this!
Similarly, we find earlier that when Yaakov said to Lavan, “Send me, and I will go, etc.,” he placed his wives before his children—“Give me my wives and my children”; and likewise, later regarding Moshe it says, “And Moshe took his wife and his sons.”
And although the commentators elaborate on the reasons for the differences between these verses and the one under discussion—nevertheless, it is still not understood: after Rashi writes in a general way that Yaakov “placed the males before the females,” meaning that this is the fitting conduct for a righteous man—how is it possible that Rashi would remain silent in all these places and not explain how they are different, so as to be exceptions to the general rule that Rashi stated, that Yaakov “placed the males before the females”?
[As has been discussed many times, the very fact that we find lengthy debate among the commentators on Rashi—this one answers one way, that one another way, and so on—compels us to say that there is a very simple explanation that fundamentally removes the need for all this lengthy discussion. For it is not reasonable to say that Rashi would leave things unsaid and rely on a five-year-old learning Chumash to figure out the answers given by the commentators—especially when among the commentators themselves, there is debate, with one building and the other contradicting.]
4. It can be said that Rashi answers all of this with the precision of his wording: “He placed the males before the females, and Esav placed the females before the males.” At first glance, this is not understood: why did Rashi not use the language of the verse itself—“his sons… his wives,” “his wives… his sons”?
Rather, his intent here is to emphasize that Yaakov’s placing his sons first was not because, as his sons (his offspring), he valued them more than his wives. On the contrary, the usual and proper order is for a person to place his wife before his children—both because his wife is their mother and comes before his sons (and out of respect for his wife), and also because if he were to place his children before his wife, it would be contrary to the guidance regarding honoring one’s mother.
Rather, it was because he placed the males before the females, for in the life (and focus) of Yaakov, the males were primary, as is straightforward in the simple meaning.
This is why, in all the verses (even regarding Yaakov) where we find the women placed before the children, Rashi says nothing at all—because there is no question there, for that is the appropriate conduct (to place the mother before the children).
The question arises specifically in our verse, “And he lifted his sons and his wives”—where he placed his sons before his wives, which is the opposite of the order of creation and of honoring one’s mother (and contrary to the respect due to his wife). [And obviously, the question (regarding honoring the mother) is not on Yaakov’s sons themselves—how could they have gotten onto the camels before their mothers?—for it is obvious that they could not refuse or oppose the will of their father Yaakov. Rather, the question is about Yaakov’s conduct: how could he instruct them to get onto the camels before their mothers, when this conduct is the opposite of what was mentioned above?]
Therefore, Rashi explains, “He placed the males before the females”—and changes from the wording of the verse, “his sons… his wives”—because the precedence of “males before females” compels and determines that even when the matter at hand (as in this verse) is the precedence of his sons over his wives (who are their mothers), this is the reason.
5. But Rashi does not suffice with this alone—for in this conduct of Yaakov (that for him the males were primary) there is, seemingly, nothing novel.
Therefore, Rashi continues, “And Esav placed the females before the males, as it is said, ‘And Esav took his wives and his sons, etc.’” This change and emphasis in Rashi comes to highlight the difference and distinction between the conduct of Yaakov and the conduct of Esav (even in this matter), for “Esav placed the females before the males.”
In other words:
When learning about Esav’s conduct—“And he took his wives and his sons and his daughters”—one might have thought that the reason Esav placed his wives before his sons and daughters was because, outwardly, he presented himself as a person who behaves with respect and manners, just as he was careful to honor his father, not to cause him pain, and on the contrary, he strove to bring him pleasure and honor, etc. So too in our matter: when he took his family with him, he acted with manners and proper conduct, placing his wives before his sons and daughters.
And this is what Rashi teaches—that the reason Esav took his wives first was not because of his conduct in manners and etiquette, but rather because “he placed the females before the males.”
[According to this, another precision in this Rashi is clarified: when Rashi brings the verse regarding Esav, he is precise to quote, “And Esav took his wives and his sons, etc.,” and the word “etc.” refers to the continuation of the verse, “and his daughters”—yet he does not quote it explicitly in his commentary.
The reason is that, according to Rashi, Esav’s placing his wives before his sons was only because “he placed the females before the males.” Therefore, there is no reason to bring the end of the verse, “and his daughters,” for that would be a kind of contradictory proof (for regarding his offspring, even Esav placed his sons before his daughters).]
6. The inner dimension of Torah in Rashi’s commentary:
The inner reason why Rashi brings, regarding Esav’s conduct—“and Esav placed the females before the males”—in the verse that speaks about Yaakov, can be explained by first prefacing the following:
Although, according to the order of the Torah, precedence is given to the males, as the verse says, “and he shall rule over you,” nevertheless, we sometimes find precedence given to the females, as is explicitly stated earlier regarding the first of the Patriarchs, Avraham. Moreover, one of the promises for the future is that then “a woman will surround a man” (and it is explained regarding this that then the advantage of women will be revealed).
Accordingly, it can be said that this is the hint in Rashi bringing here the matter of placing the females before the males (regarding Esav)—for even in Yaakov, in the order of holiness, there is such conduct; only, this is not in Yaakov’s own service, but rather the “service of Esav” that is within Yaakov.
The idea is as follows: It is explained elsewhere that Esav too, being the son of Yitzchak, was born with powers and the ability to serve G‑d in his own unique way, in accordance with his nature and the qualities of his soul. In fact, he was even more so—the firstborn for the service of G‑d.
However, through his free choice, “he went out” and separated himself from the holiness of Yitzchak.
This is the hint in Rashi’s wording—“And these are the offspring of Yitzchak: Yaakov and Esav, who are mentioned in the parsha”: That Esav is one of the “offspring of Yitzchak” (connected to him as his son) refers only to Esav “who is mentioned in the parsha,” meaning Esav as he was meant to be, his service and conduct according to Torah.
And since Esav separated himself from the holiness of Yitzchak, the service of Esav also needed to be done by Yaakov—in addition to Yaakov’s own service, he also had to perform the service—in holiness—that was originally intended for Esav.
Similarly, in our matter: That Esav’s conduct of placing the females before the males is a negative and lowly conduct, etc.—this is as Esav went out and separated himself from the holiness of Yitzchak. But this conduct also has a positive aspect, as it exists in Esav (and his service) “who is mentioned in the parsha.”
7. The explanation of this:
Male and female—man and woman—also allude to two modes in serving G‑d: the service of the mind and the service of the heart. Just as the difference between man and woman is that the main aspect of intellect (and learning) is in the man, and the unique quality of the woman (relative to the man) is in the area of feeling and emotions.
And there is an advantage in each:
The advantage of intellect and understanding is that a person sees and grasps with the eye of his mind the truth of the matter as it is (without any admixture of “bribery” and the natural inclinations of a person); whereas the feelings and emotions of a person “grasp” a matter according to his inclinations and desires.
On the other hand, there is an advantage in emotions over intellect, for the nature of intellect is coldness, without excitement, and therefore measured and limited; whereas when a person has a feeling for something, due to the warmth and excitement, his connection and involvement in the matter is with great intensity.
Similarly, this is the difference between the two orders—placing males before females, or females before males:
The order of creation in general is in the manner of “and he shall rule over you” (males before females)—for the desired order is that the mind should rule over the heart, meaning, the emotions must be (and must remain) guided by the intellect. For if a person follows the inclinations of his heart, it can harm not only the mind in his head but also the feeling in his heart itself; only when the emotions are guided and directed by the intellect in the mind, then the desire of the heart (and consequently, the person’s conduct) is as it should be.
However, there are times when a person must serve his Creator beyond the order of reason and understanding. This is when there are many concealments and obstacles opposing the service of G‑d, and then it is not enough to serve G‑d in a measured and limited way according to reason and understanding; rather, a higher form of service is needed, one that transcends the limitations of intellect. This is revealed specifically in the service of the heart (and it is known that the essence of the soul is revealed specifically in the heart, not in the mind).
This is the allusion in Rashi’s comment that “Yaakov placed the males before the females, and Esav placed the females before the males”: The service of Yaakov, “a wholesome man, dwelling in tents,” is a service according to order—males before females, meaning that first comes the service of the mind, and through this, one comes to the service of the heart (and the heart then influences the other parts of the body).
But in the service of Esav—“a man of the field,” serving in a place of concealment and obscurity—the order is reversed: females before males. For in such a service, it is not sufficient to serve in a measured and limited way according to order; rather, there must be a service that transcends order, that is beyond measure and limitation, as explained above.
It can be said that this is also one of the explanations for the future time when “a woman will surround a man”—for all the revelations of the future depend on “our deeds and service throughout the time of exile,” meaning that then will be revealed all the advantages achieved through our service during exile. And one of the main advantages of the service during exile—especially in this last exile (the exile of Esav, Edom), which is filled with concealments and obscurities, etc.—is the service of mesiras nefesh (self-sacrifice), which is above reason and understanding, and is revealed primarily in the heart.
8. Based on this, we can also explain the inner reason why this matter—that “Esav placed the females before the males”—is brought in Rashi in connection with the story of Yaakov fleeing from Lavan and preparing to meet Esav:
It is explained in various places that the reason Yaakov sent messengers to Esav (as told in the following parsha, Vayishlach) is because Yaakov was already prepared for the state of the future, when “saviors will ascend Mount Zion to judge the mountain of Esav.” However, the messengers then informed Yaakov that Esav was still on the lowest level, and on the contrary, “he is coming toward you with four hundred men”—meaning he was in a state completely opposite to the ultimate goal. Therefore, it was still necessary to go through the exile of Esav (Edom), and the completion of the refinement will be in the days of Moshiach, as Rashi explains in Parshas Vayishlach.
This is the allusion in Rashi here, regarding Yaakov’s flight from Lavan: When Yaakov’s exile with Lavan was completed (that is, Yaakov finished his service there and the refinement of Lavan was completed), and Yaakov began his preparations for his service with Esav, then—as Yaakov saw Esav, he saw him as he is at his root (“who is mentioned in the parsha”—), meaning as he is after refinement and purification, at his source and ready for the redemption, when the precedence of “females before males” will be for the good, “a woman will surround a man.”
So may it be for us with the coming of our righteous Moshiach, speedily and imminently.
(From talks of Shabbos Parshas Vayeitzei and Vayishlach, 5742, and Shabbos Parshas Naso, 5744)