ברכו למי שאכלתם משלו

1. Avraham’s Eshel and the Power of Hospitality

Avraham Avinu is described at the end of this week’s parshah as building an eshel—an inn or a place for guests. There are various interpretations, but the main idea is that Avraham would invite travelers in and serve them lavish meals: good wine, meat, and plenty of delicious food. When his guests finished eating and wanted to thank him for his generosity, Avraham would insist that they not thank him, but rather thank Hashem, since it was God who truly provided for them. Some guests accepted this easily and offered their thanks to Hashem. Others, however, protested: they didn’t believe in Hashem or didn’t feel comfortable thanking Him. In response, Avraham told them that if they wouldn’t thank God, they would have to pay for their meal—and it was an expensive meal in a place where there were no other options. Pressed by the situation, these guests would eventually agree to say the blessing after the meal (birkat hamazon) just to avoid paying.

2. Forcing Gratitude: Does It Have Value?

This story raises an important question: what value is there in forcing someone to thank Hashem if their heart isn’t really in it? Some people may have genuinely come to recognize Hashem’s kindness through Avraham’s example, but others only did so under pressure. The Torah hints at this dynamic with the phrase vayikra sham b’shem Hashem—he called out there in the name of God. The sages interpret this as not only Avraham calling out himself, but also causing others to call out in God’s name—even if their arms were twisted. It seems strange that compelled gratitude or forced acknowledgment of Hashem should count for anything. If someone only says a blessing because they want to avoid paying a bill, is that meaningful? Yet the Torah records this as part of Avraham’s legacy.

3. The Story of Reb Shimon ben Elozer: A Lesson from Chazal

To explore this further, we find a fascinating story in the Gemara involving Reb Shimon ben Elozer. He was once riding on a donkey when a man greeted him with “hello Rabbi.” Instead of responding kindly, Reb Shimon insulted the man harshly, saying he looked disgusting and asking if all his fellow citizens were as ugly as he was. The man replied that Reb Shimon should complain to Hashem who created such vessels—in other words, blame God for making him look this way. At that moment, Reb Shimon realized his mistake and begged forgiveness, but the man refused. As they traveled together into town, people came out to greet Reb Shimon as a great scholar (talmid chacham). The insulted man told everyone what had happened and initially refused to forgive Reb Shimon until persuaded by the townspeople—but only on condition that Reb Shimon not make a habit of such behavior.

4. Understanding Tough Love: When Is It Appropriate?

This story seems puzzling: why would such a great sage behave so harshly? And why does the man say “don’t get into the habit” when such conduct seems unacceptable altogether? The Rebbe explains that sometimes a person is so spiritually low or materialistic that gentle words won’t reach them; only something sharp can break through their shell. Reb Shimon saw that this individual was deeply disconnected spiritually and hoped that a jarring comment might awaken something within him. Indeed, as soon as he was insulted, the man responded by referencing his Creator—acknowledging Hashem’s role in his existence. This shows that even harsh words can sometimes provoke spiritual awareness where nothing else will work. However, such methods must be used sparingly and only when absolutely necessary—like strong medicine reserved for extreme cases. Most of the time—whether with children or students—we should educate with kindness and positive example. Only occasionally is it appropriate to use discipline or tough love when all else fails.

5. Applying These Lessons: Awakening Others With Care

Returning to Avraham’s approach: even though some guests thanked Hashem only under duress, it still accomplished something positive by shaking them out of their spiritual slumber. Sometimes people resist spiritual messages or mitzvot at first—they may say “it’s not my business” or “I’m not interested.” But when we persist (with care), we might eventually help them discover something deeper within themselves. The analogy is given of someone sleeping while their house catches fire; at first they don’t want to wake up because they’re enjoying pleasant dreams. Only when someone shakes them awake do they realize their life has been saved—and then they’re grateful for being rescued from danger. Similarly, many people are spiritually asleep—caught up in worldly matters and disconnected from Hashem. Sometimes it takes effort—even forceful encouragement—to wake them up and help them reconnect with their source. While most outreach should be done with love and patience, occasionally we need to give someone a “bang” or schlep them out of complacency for their own good. Ultimately, even if our efforts seem unappreciated at first or are met with resistance, when done sincerely l’shem shamayim—for the sake of Heaven—they can lead to real change and create a true kiddush Hashem, sanctification of God’s name.