1. The Significance of Shabbos Nachamu and the 15th of Av
After Tisha B’Av, we experience Shabbos Nachamu—the Shabbos of Comfort. This is a time when, following hardship or setback, we are granted even greater joy. The 15th day of the month, Chamisha Asar B’Av—the fifteenth of Av, also known as Tu B’Av—is considered the spiritual and emotional high point of the month. The Jewish people are compared to the moon, and on the 15th, the moon is at its fullest, symbolizing completeness and elevation. However, Tu B’Av is unique because it follows Tisha B’Av, transforming intense mourning into unparalleled joy and elevation. The Mishnah even equates its significance to that of Yom Kippur.2. The Mishnah in Taanis: Joyous Days for Israel
The Mishnah at the end of Tractate Taanis states: “There were no days as festive for Israel as the fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur.” While Yom Kippur’s greatness is clear—it is a day of forgiveness—the special nature of Tu B’Av requires explanation. On both days, the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in borrowed white garments (to avoid shaming those who could not afford their own) and dance in the orchards. They would call out to young men: “Raise your eyes and see whom you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty alone; set your eyes on family.” They would quote from Mishlei: “Sheker hachen v’hevel hayofi—grace is false and beauty is vain; isha yirat Hashem hiti talal—a woman who fears Hashem, she should be praised.” Another verse adds: “Give her from the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”3. The Deeper Message: What Does ‘Family’ Mean?
The Mishnah’s message raises questions: How could all the daughters claim distinguished family backgrounds? And how does the quoted verse support prioritizing family over beauty? The Rebbe explains that this teaching is not about superficial physical attraction—especially since these events took place on holy days like Yom Kippur and Tu B’Av. Instead, “raise your eyes” means to look beyond surface appearances and appreciate deeper qualities. When they said to focus on family, it was not just about lineage but about being part of Klal Yisrael—the Jewish people as a whole. All Jewish women share this collective identity and spiritual heritage.4. Three Categories in the Gemara: Individual Qualities
The Gemara elaborates with three categories among the women:- The beautiful ones would say: “Set your eyes on beauty.” Their external beauty reflected their spiritual qualities.
- The ones with important families would say: “Set your eyes on family,” suggesting that even if their personal qualities were less apparent, their family background indicated inner worth.
- The less attractive ones would say: “Acquire us for Heaven’s sake and adorn us with jewelry,” meaning they sought matches based on higher purpose rather than external or familial advantages.
5. Spiritual Beauty and Lasting Value
The discussion emphasizes that true beauty includes spiritual qualities such as yirat Hashem—awe of God—and dedication to Torah and mitzvos. Sometimes physical beauty reflects inner holiness (“holy children have shining faces”), but often real value lies beneath the surface. Even those without obvious external advantages contribute through their devotion and intent to act l’shem shamayim—for Heaven’s sake.6. Collective Identity Versus Individual Merit
Initially, all women present themselves as part of one great family—Klal Yisrael. This collective identity is a source of pride and worthiness for every Jewess, regardless of individual background or appearance. Only after establishing this shared foundation does the Gemara distinguish between individual merits: open beauty, distinguished lineage, or sincere intent.7. The Enduring Role of Jewish Women
The verses cited highlight two key aspects: yirat Hashem, which every Jewish woman possesses to some degree, and “give her from the fruit of her hands,” referring to raising children in Torah values and contributing good deeds to future generations. Even when challenges obscure outward beauty or status, devotion to family and faith remains an enduring source of merit.8. Summary: Looking Beyond Appearances
The lesson from Tu B’Av is to look deeper than surface impressions when seeking a match or evaluating others within our community. Whether through collective identity as part of Klal Yisrael, individual virtues like spiritual beauty or noble lineage, or sincere intentions despite lacking outward advantages—every Jew has inherent worth rooted in faithfulness to Hashem and commitment to building future generations with love and integrity.