606 - תרו שיפייס אדם את חבירו בערב יום כיפור ובו י"ד סעיפים

606 - That One Should Appease His Fellow on Erev Yom Kippur - 14 Subsections

1 A transgression between a man and his fellow — Yom Kippur does not atone until he appeases his fellow.

For it is said: "For on this day He shall atone for you, to purify you from all your sins, before the Lord," etc. (Vayikra 16:30). That is to say: "your sins" that are "before the Lord" alone — Yom Kippur atones. But that which is between a man and his fellow — Yom Kippur does not atone until he appeases him.

Therefore, every person should take to heart on erev Yom Kippur to appease everyone against whom he has transgressed.

And even if he only vexed him with words — he must go and appease him and ask him to forgive him.

And at the time of asking forgiveness — he must specify the sin that he sinned against his fellow. And if his fellow is embarrassed by this — he should not specify the sin.

2 And if he is not appeased the first time — he should go back and go to appease him a second time with another form of conciliation.

And if he was not appeased — he should go back and go a third time to appease him with another form of conciliation.

And each time that he goes to appease him, even the first time, he should take with him three men and appease him in their presence.

And if he was not appeased the third time — he is no longer bound to him.

Nevertheless, he must make it known to the public, that is, ten men, that he went to appease him and he did not want to be appeased. So that people should not suspect him of not having wanted to humble himself before his fellow to ask forgiveness from him.

3 In what case is this said? When he vexed his fellow. But if he vexed his teacher, even if he is not his primary teacher, but he merely heard words of Torah from him — he must go to him several times until he is appeased.

And even when he vexed his fellow, if he wishes to be stringent upon himself and to go to him several times — permission is in his hand. Provided that there is no disgrace to the Torah in it.

4 And the one who forgives should not be cruel about forgiving, but rather should forgive him immediately.

Unless he intends it for the benefit of the one asking forgiveness — so that his uncircumcised heart should be humbled; or he is concerned that some harm will come to himself through forgiving him — for then he need not forgive him — for his own life takes precedence over the life of his fellow.

And if he spread an evil name about him — he need not forgive him in any manner, even if he asks him several times. Because it is possible that there are people who heard the slander spread about him and did not hear the appeasement, and it will appear to them that it is possible the slander is true, and this man has not yet emerged clean of suspicion.

Nevertheless, it is a trait of humility to forgive even in the case of spreading an evil name.

5 And if the one against whom he transgressed has died — he brings ten men and stands them at his grave and says in their presence: "I have sinned against the God of Israel and against this person, against whom I transgressed." And he must go there barefoot.

And if he is beyond three parsa'os from his grave — he need not go there himself, but rather he should send his agent to ask forgiveness from him on behalf of the one who sent him, in the presence of ten men.

6 And even if he spread an evil name about him during his lifetime — what he asks from him in the presence of ten men is effective. Because we assess the mind of the deceased, that ordinarily, had he been alive, he would have forgiven him.

7 And if he reviled him after death — he need not go to his grave, but rather he asks forgiveness from him in the place where he shamed him.

8 Even though throughout the year it is fitting for every person to appease immediately the one against whom he has transgressed — nevertheless, on erev Yom Kippur one must be careful in this all the more. So that the heart of all Israel should be whole one with another, and there should be no place for the Satan to accuse them.

9 There is an ordinance of the early ones and a ban, not to spread an evil name about the dead.

10 One who called his fellow "mamzer" — he did not impugn the honor of his forebears. For he can say: "I intended only you, to disgrace you." Unless he called him: "a mamzer son of a mamzer."

11 The practice is to immerse on erev Yom Kippur.

And there are those who say that the reason for this immersion is on account of a seminal emission — so that they should be clean and pure on Yom Kippur.

And according to this reason there is no point at all in saying confessions in the mikveh. And likewise one need immerse only once.

And one who immersed on erev Rosh Hashanah and did not have a seminal emission afterward — even so he must immerse on erev Yom Kippur — for perhaps he afterward saw discharge that was separated or turbid, for one who sees these is impure as a ba'al keri.

And this immersion, which is on account of a seminal emission — is valid even in forty se'ah of drawn water, when they are in the ground, but not in a vessel.

And one who suffers distress in immersing — may pour upon himself nine kabin of water.

And he may pour upon himself from two or three vessels one after another, and among them all there should be nine kabin.

Provided that the second begins before the first has ceased. And likewise the third before the second has ceased.

But from four vessels — they do not combine to nine kabin.

And even if he is emptying from one vessel — he should be careful to pour without any interruption at all.

And if half of him entered into the mikveh and upon his other half they poured nine kabin — he has fulfilled it.

And a woman who had relations within three days of this immersion — must cleanse her body with hot water before she immerses. In order to expel all the seed that is within her. So that she should not discharge after the immersion and be impure on Yom Kippur. See Yoreh De'ah, siman 196.

And if she had relations close to her immersion or close to her veses, for at these times she is likely to conceive — she should not cleanse her body with hot water — lest she destroy the seed of conception. Therefore, she need not immerse at all on erev Yom Kippur.

12 But there are those who say that the reason for this immersion is on account of teshuvah, like a convert who converts.

And according to this, one should immerse three times. And even youths and maidens who are of the age of mitzvos — practice to immerse, even though a seminal emission is not applicable to them.

And even one who immersed on erev Rosh Hashanah and did not have a seminal emission afterward — must go back and immerse on erev Yom Kippur on account of teshuvah.

13 One should immerse before the Mincha prayer in order to confess (at Mincha) in purity. And there are those who immerse after the seudah hamafsekes, so that it should be close to Yom Kippur.

14 One who had a death in his family before Yom Kippur — it is permitted for him to wash in hot water and to immerse on erev Yom Kippur. Because the law of Yom Kippur is like that of the festivals, which nullify from him the decree of the seven [days of mourning]. As is written in siman 548.

Except that he should delay the washing and the immersion as much as possible, so that they should be close to nightfall, for the reason explained there.

And the other laws of mourning, such as sitting upon the ground, he must observe until actual night, for the reason explained there.