6440 —עצה על זמני שידוכים והשתתפות בפעולות חסידיות

B"H, 6 Menachem Av, 5718. Brooklyn.

Shalom u'Vrachah!

With regard to the matter of [the shidduch] with a certain young woman... However, she has an older sister who has not yet become engaged, but her parents hinted that soon the older one will become engaged and then they will finalize the matter with the younger one regarding the aforementioned proposal.

Since matters of shidduchim are an everlasting edifice, it is understood that there is no need to hurry or pressure for this to happen a few days earlier; rather, set a date by which time they will wait for the engagement of the older sister. This date can be set for several weeks ahead, since in any case we are now in the month about which our Sages said in Tractate Taanis (29b at the beginning) "let Av be diminished." For several reasons it is not advisable to bind (connect) the other side by insisting that they must accept this proposal specifically; on the other hand, from your side as well, do not bind yourself because it is possible that during these weeks there may be other proposals worth considering.

It is surprising that you do not mention your participation in Anash farbrengens nor in public Torah classes and especially your activities in spreading the wellsprings [of Chassidus], since this is a mitzvah incumbent upon oneself—particularly for those whose fathers were involved in this and their ancestral merit assists them.

Blessings for good news in all of the above matters, for what is good in personal matters—between a Jewish man and woman—depends on what is good in general matters.

Summary

The Rebbe writes that patience and flexibility are important when arranging shidduchim. He also emphasizes active participation in communal chassidic life and spreading Chassidus as key factors influencing personal blessings.