8524 —אתגרי נישואין, נורמליות, וחיזוק הביטחון בה'

Shalom u'Vrachah! [5722]

What you hear from several people who say that when one gets married many problems and difficulties arise—this is not because such cases are common. On the contrary, they are an extreme minority (so much so that even according to Reb Meir, we do not take them into account). Rather, all those who do not have such problems do not talk about it at all, since this is considered the normal situation.

That getting married is good (and also necessary) is explicit in the verse (Bereishis 2:18). We also see this clearly in reality—people mock those who remain unmarried (an old bachelor or an old maid).

If you reflect on your own past, you will see how you have been saved from many troubles, almost in a way beyond the natural order. In fact, if this reflection is genuine, it will strengthen your trust.

Contrary to what you wrote—in actuality, you have not truly exerted yourself regarding shidduchim; rather, you only tried to show (even to yourself) that you can make a good impression, etc. But when it came close to actualizing and making a decision—you withdrew (in order to remain free, without responsibility).

See Reb Meir: Yevamos 119a and elsewhere.

Summary

The Rebbe teaches that marriage challenges are rare and should not deter one from pursuing marriage. Honest self-reflection on past Divine help strengthens trust in G‑d and motivates sincere effort toward finding a match.