1. The Significance of Today’s Kaddish and Torah Reading
Today, we are saying Kaddish—the mourner’s prayer—for three individuals: Eliezer ben Sho, Yisr ben Chaim, and Avraham ben. It is especially meaningful that this coincides with the Torah reading for Wednesday, which includes the Ten Commandments. This portion is always significant, but today it carries added weight as we remember these individuals.
2. The Structure of the Luchos and the Placement of Kibbud Av Va’Eim
The Ten Commandments were given on two luchos—tablets. Five were inscribed on one tablet and five on the other. If you look closely, the commandments on the left side, the second half, all pertain to matters between man and his fellow: not to steal, not to murder, not to covet what belongs to your friend. These are all bein adam lechaveiro—between man and man.
On the right side, the first five commandments focus on obligations between man and God: belief in Hashem, not having other gods, not swearing falsely in Hashem’s name, keeping Shabbos. These are all bein adam laMakom—between man and God.
The question arises: why is honoring one’s father and mother—Kibbud av va’eim—placed among those mitzvos that are between man and God? At first glance, honoring parents seems like a mitzvah between people.
3. The Deeper Meaning of Honoring Parents
The commentaries explain that Kibbud av va’eim has a dual nature. On one hand, it is indeed a mitzvah between people—honoring those who gave us life and raised us. But on a deeper level, it is also a mitzvah between man and God.
This is because when we honor our parents, we recognize that Hashem is ultimately our Father as well. Our physical parents bring us into this world and shape our character and talents, but there are three partners in every person: father, mother, and Hashem. Thus, honoring parents also means acknowledging Hashem’s role as our Creator.
4. Children of Hashem: Insights from Shema Yisroel
This idea appears elsewhere in this week’s parsha as well—in the reading of Shema Yisroel: “Veshinantam levonecho”—“You shall teach them to your sons.” Rashi explains that “sons” here refers not only to biological children but also to students. In this sense, we are all students of Hashem and therefore His children—bonim laMakom.
If we are children to Hashem, then He is our Father in a spiritual sense as well as a physical one. Thus, when we fulfill Kabed es avicha v’es imecha, we are also fulfilling an obligation toward Hashem Himself.
5. Halachic Implications: When Parental Wishes Conflict with Divine Will
This dual aspect has practical implications in halacha. If there is ever a conflict between honoring your parents and honoring Hashem—if your parents ask you to do something against Torah or against Hashem’s will—the law is clear: you must listen to Hashem over your parents.
The reason is that both you and your parents are obligated to honor Hashem above all else. God is not only your Father but theirs as well. Therefore they should never ask you to do anything contrary to His will.
6. The Power of Kaddish and Honoring Parents After Their Passing
Saying Kaddish, giving tzedakah, strengthening yourself spiritually, and remembering your parents—especially at times like a yahrzeit—brings tremendous merit (zechus) both for them and for yourself.
Pirkei Avos teaches that “one who honors others is himself honored.” When you honor your parents after their passing through these acts, it reflects deeply on who you are as a person. The connection with loved ones does not end with their passing; rather, once the soul leaves its physical limitations it can connect even more profoundly without boundaries.
7. Ongoing Connection with Departed Loved Ones and Hope for Geulah
The souls of departed parents continue to look down upon their children in this world, bestowing blessings for health, happiness, and everything needed for good. This time of remembrance is an opportunity to pray especially to Hashem for the coming of Mashiach (geulah). Then we will be reunited with our loved ones not only spiritually but physically as well—a hope we pray will be fulfilled soon.